Did you answer “Yes” to any of the quiz questions? If so, you may benefit from exploring Synergy.

Intense sexual stimulation unquestionably yields fireworks in the short-term. Unfortunately lovers can’t sustain it. Habituation sets in, reducing the joy of intimacy. Signs: difficulty becoming aroused, low libido, sexual dysfunctions, a sense of being asexual, wondering if your orientation has changed, and so forth.

Don’t let short term heat create long term dissatisfaction

Mainstream advisors typically suggest “heating things up in the bedroom.” Or finding yourself sexually by exploring your fantasies in real life. Or perhaps adding partners, pain, risk, toys, recreational drugs, and so forth to increase stimulation.  Lovers may end up resentful and confused when such tactics only work temporarily and dissatisfaction returns.

Interestingly, when couples go to sex counsellors for these complaints, counsellors often recommend techniques like “sensate focus.” Such techniques are essentially bonding behaviours (attachment cues) in the form of mindful touch, without the goal of orgasm.

If you’re in a hole, stop digging

The good news is that the neurobiology of sex (and addiction) has revealed the biological mechanism behind habituation. Stop overstimulating yourself sexually and your sensitivity to pleasure will gradually increase. Then, if you want to sustain your mutual attraction, Synergy will help you do that going forward.

The bad news is that it may be a while before you are experiencing pleasure normally during sexual activity. People sometimes report improvements for more than a year. Powering through that Void (while you engage in tamer affection) can be unnerving. It’s very tempting to rush back into escalating stimulation…especially as you feel your arousal coming back.

Humans learn best the hard way. You will probably make a series of experiments. Eventually you’ll discover that you cannot overcome the natural phenomenon of sexual habituation with more stimulation – except in the short term. If you’re in a hole, stop digging.

Of possible interest

“Less can be more” when it comes to managing sex and orgasm frequency. Aim for for ideal levels of wellbeing and pleasure sensitivity. Might the documented shift toward more masturbation and online enticements contribute to decreased satisfaction during partnered sex?

Certainly, rates of partnered sex have dropped, especially in the 18-30 age group. For example, the percentage of young American males celibate for more than a year tripled from 8% in 2008 to 23% in 2018. In Australia, teens are having 50 per cent less sex than their parents. In a 2020 report, 40% cent of Aussies aged 18 to 24 revealed they’ve never done the deed.

And what of the sexually active? Do desensitised lovers pursue more intense/kinkier stimulation in search of sexual arousal? Does this escalate future burn-out?

Here’s some research we found interesting.