Living Sacred Sexuality

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Sacred sex to me means that making love is more than just a mind and body experience. It also includes an element that makes us feel part of something larger, something sacred.

In this blog I will sketch out some of my experiences using karezza, a form of sacred sexuality, to guide how I have built my intimate relationship with my wife.

After 7 years of practicing karezza, I am not a master. Rather, I am still a beginner who is learning what the landscape might offer. I do not know what mastery might be like, or even if it exists.

Sacred sexuality of the karezza type can be seen from two perspectives – the love making session itself – and your life and relationships outside this intimate zone.

Living life with karezza at its core makes life more harmonious. How is it better? Karezza generates a positive circle. The creation of more calm in day-to-day living translates into the presence of more calm in your intimate relationship and in the rest of your life.

In very simple terms, the approach we have to sacred sexuality is to have full physical intimacy, but with a mindset that foregoes any desire to achieve orgasm. It is about maximising the bonding elements of physical touch and sexual interaction, without getting into the emotional turbulence generated by orgasm.

Karezza encourages a different take on male potency

It uses the Eastern concept of ebb-and-flow erections. The erection will be there when you and your partner are ready to join more deeply. It is quite removed from the Western concept of continuous or solid erections throughout a whole lovemaking session. Unless there are underlying health conditions such as diabetes, obesity or heart problems, using Viagra or other artificial erection enhancing medications should not be necessary. Sexual stimulation is in the mind and in the flow of lovemaking.

It requires trust in the process, trust in your partner and trust in yourself. There is an element of just setting things up as lovers, so that you combine to go with the flow, as if gently drifting down a river together. It is very relaxing, not performance driven.

Sacred sexuality is always about collaboration and partnership with your beloved. It is not a matter of you doing things to someone else for your erotic pleasure or for release. Nor are you trying to make your partner climax. Rather, the key is about generating deep care for the other, as well as for the self. In short, looking after each other for their wellbeing and yours.

Unlike conventional, goal oriented, orgasm-focused sex, you don’t know what will happen or where your lovemaking will take you. It does not matter where you go/meander to. All outcomes are fine.

So, what ‘sacred’ elements are present?

Your partner gives you access to the power of the universe, but only if you let them. You can feel how you are part of something larger than yourself.

Coupling like this makes monogamy easy. It’s as if all your sexual appetite is being satisfied with lots of intimacy, little and often.

At the physical level the key is to not move a lot. Have patience. Let sensations develop. Give your mind time to notice what your body is sensing. Try to attain stillness, like in meditation. Practise lovemaking as a form of meditation, sexual meditation.

The point of the ‘sacred’ component is that you are accepting what the universe decides to offer you at a given time. This partly depends on how open and receptive you are. Your energy state is also important.

Like seeking satori in the ‘zen’ tradition of Buddhism, the altered state comes when and where it chooses. Yes, you have to be open, yes, you have to do the work, but those things alone are not sufficient to guarantee an enlightened experience.

The core is sharing. Take your time, by communing with your partner for as long as you are both present. An hour is quick.

Have flexible expectations

If there is no specific goal for the encounter, then what happens is right, there should never be disappointment.

Not doing everything is not failure – there is no failure.

One of the extraordinary outcomes for me is the creation of the perception that my partner has transcended into a state where I perceive her as ‘every woman’. This is a fairly rare state. It just ‘happens’ rather than being a sought-after, deliberate state achieved by intent. Sometimes it is only glimpsed, on other occasions it is a solid condition that can last quite a while. I just love to see my partner smile genuinely and spontaneously as she looks into my eyes. It makes me feel great as a man and as a human being that I can make this happen in another person. Her contentment carries over into the rest of the day. It just fills my heart with joy.