In this short video (be careful it starts loud) you hear from Noah Church, a porn recovery coach. He discusses “karezza”, orgasm and “the chaser effect”. It is one of the free series of videos on his website, Addicted to Internet Porn.
Here he responds to a question from one enquirer, age 25, who had suffered porn-induced erectile dysfunction. The question asked is, “Is it ok to MO [masturbate and orgasm] while recovering from porn addiction?” The man had done “streaks” of 50-60 days without porn or masturbation. He then went to a massage service for oral sex rather than use porn. But he felt very horny for several days afterwards and felt compelled to masturbate a lot to try to relieve his discomfort.
Church characterises the man’s experience as “the chaser effect”, which is often behind relapse. He explains, “In abstinence mode, you keep the door closed, but once you open the door, either through healthy sex with a partner or a masturbatory experience, it’s harder the shut that door again. The body goes into that procreation mode. Your libido is jacked up for a few days.”
Is masturbation ok?
Masturbation isn’t inherently bad says Recovery coach Church. But, masturbation can be a problem when is linked to that pattern of behaviour a compulsive porn user is trying to get away from. Church suggests it’s possible to introduce masturbation in a healthy way after you have healed.
Sex with a partner feels very different to solo sex. There is a way to have sex without orgasming. It’s called karezza or coitus reservatus. You’re not rushing toward orgasm and then holding back. It is a slower, more intimate focus on local sensation. It can be a great way to rewire and have sex with partner without setting yourself back.