Giving up the goal of orgasm is a necessary skill in sacred sexuality. One has to value it and want to develop it. For some men it’s easy; others, not so easy. It’s important to understand that orgasm and ejaculation are two separate things. Thus it is wholly possible to ejaculate semen and not experience an orgasm; and also possible to orgasm without ejaculating.
Emitting semen only tends to happen once the prostate “loads” during sexual arousal. Once “loaded” it may take quite a lot of willpower and mindfulness not to expel it. Invariably it does happen sometimes.
There are a few tricks one can employ, but always remember that the best strategy is to remain relaxed – breathing slowly and deeply – allowing the body to let go of tension. For the most part, it’s a mind discipline. And it requires focusing inwardly on the sensation within your own body, rather than on the person you are making love to.
During lovemaking, my intention is primarily to “send” energy into the woman, to embrace her and fill her with the spirit of Divine Love. To love a woman is the act of nurturing her with your whole being. This takes gentleness and soft passion. For me, it is the act of caring and comforting her. This is achieved simply by being vibrantly filled with life force and being fully present with her.
I believe that sex happens in the brain. The presence of penis in vagina is minor. I have come to appreciate that full body embrace and caressing a woman’s body are especially satisfying. Once that is achieved, the natural progression of resting the penis deeply inside the woman’s body is icing on the cake. It becomes an incredible union, where two bodies are merged into one. It is quite a beautiful thing.
Yet, even in the course of this gentle love play, excitement builds. And any kind of sexual excitement inevitably can lead to seminal fluid leaking into the vagina. If a couple isn’t concerned about unplanned pregnancy, then it’s no big deal. The woman can benefit from the nutrients of the man’s fluid, which may help balance her hormones, or even give her a sense of fulfillment.
I have found that slight semen leaks from time to time are not really a problem. But done too often, too much stress can be detrimental to the man. So, it is probably best not to strive, or push, for genital orgasm, i.e., the ejaculation spasm. This will most certainly end the love play, and discharge the man’s sexual energy.
In sacred loving making, it is always wise to minimize spasm-gasms. Seek instead to send your sexual energy into the woman. This is where the real magic happens. There are some wonderful balancing activities that occur, especially when a woman is receptive and open. In such moments, she absorbs the man with her feminine charge. To be embraced and welcomed by a woman in this way is nothing short of sacred. It is divine.
The best approach is to make love slowly. Make love from the heART. Then semen retention becomes effortless. It does take time and practice though. Be patient.
On a practical level, there are some specific preparation exercises that will help a man strengthen his ability to retain his semen.
Begin by squeezing the uro-genital muscles 300 times a day. These are the muscles you use to control the flow of urine. Simply spend five minutes, sitting or lying down and gently squeeze, as though you are stopping urination. Don’t try to do it too fast or too hard. Just practice mildly and slowly.
Next, you might experiment with an easy form of jelqing. Basically, you do this by first warming the genitals with a warm, wet cloth for a couple of minutes, then oiling your penis with some kind of natural oil (coconut oil, almond oil, or olive oil).
Grasp the base of the penis with thumb and forefinger, forming an OK sign. Firmly squeeze to force blood into the penis. While holding the grip, take the other hand (forming the same OK grip), and slowly, but firmly stroke all the way down the shaft and over the head. Do this at different angles, such as “down to the left”, “down to the right”, “straight down towards the floor”, “directly upward”, “upward to the right” and “upward to the left”. However you choose to do it, do this 300 times per day.
What this exercise does is “toughen” the tissues of the penis, making them thicker and less sensitive. It also slightly tears the tiny blood capillaries along the surface of the penis. They respond by increasing their capacity to hold blood – which may increase the length and girth of the penis.
As difficult as this practice may sound, it is actually very beneficial if you want to increase your sexual stamina, without drugs or devices.
By faithfully employing this practice from time to time, I have fewer struggles with my prostate “loading” during sexual excitement. The point of mastering these simple techniques is to give you better control over ejaculation.
Some sex therapists suggest the simple technique of pressing on the perineum whenever the urge to ejaculate is imminent. Though this does stop or greatly decrease the amount of semen that is expelled, as well as hold back the spasm, a side effect is that it causes erection loss. Not that this is a problem, but it does disrupt the “sending” of energy to your partner. Personally, I used this technique for about three years, but found that practising “jelqing” was far more effective for increasing sexual stamina.