A November, 2021 thread on Reddit begins with this discussion on feelings:
Start having sex where the man doesn’t orgasm
Buckle up with me, ladies. I’ve disabled my DMs for this one. 😂
Women should start having sex wherein the man doesn’t orgasm for at least about 85%-90% of the encounters. My last two relationships have worked this way and it has been INCREDIBLE. (Another edit because someone asked: by “last two,” I mean my most recent one–which I ended for other reasons – the sex was phenomenal, though–and my current one.)
Why? The thread’s author explains:
What this strategy IS about:
* de-centralizing male orgasm to allow for better communication, mutual pleasure, and intimate connection. I could’ve titled this same post, “How to Have More Pleasurable and Intimate Sex.” It really shouldn’t be so feather-ruffling.
Synergy Explorers may also find the following excerpts interesting:
… It also creates a new type of “in-between” space, where we can both enjoy the buildup and the great parts of sex, but then… just… stop when it’s no longer as good. It happens. Sometimes you remember something on your to-do list and you’re pulled out of the pleasure and can’t (or don’t want to) dive back in. Maybe it stops feeling good, or starts stinging or feeling uncomfortable. … We should only have sex when we want to, when we’re thoroughly turned on, and when it is continuously feeling good.
… The other side of this coin is also a plus: sometimes you’re enjoying sex, but then you want to stop for the moment — and then a little while/hours later, you want to go at it again. It makes it much easier to jump back in if the man isn’t spent from having cum already.
… Women certainly don’t orgasm every time we have sex — why on earth should a man be entitled to that?
… “Won’t this mean that he’s constantly pushing me for sex, if his orgasm has been restricted several times in a row?” In my experience, no. In fact, I’m inclined to think the opposite is more likely: if he thinks he will cum every time he has sex, I think he’ll be more motivated to have sex more often and more mindlessly, because he’s chasing an orgasm that he knows he’ll get.
The thread-originator offers practical tips too:
… If you ask that he doesn’t cum, and he responds with BuT mUh bLuE bALLs, hostility, dismissiveness, agreement-then-switching (“I can’t control it!”), etc., DUMP HIM. He doesn’t care about you, your comfort, or heaven forbid, your pleasure. Men CAN control their orgasm. They just need to slow down, be mindful and intentional, and pay a modicum of attention to you and the situation. Sometimes it takes a little practice; sometimes slip-ups happen. Intention is crucial.
*OF COURSE, all of this is effective only with thoroughly-vetted men. If you’ve hung around here long enough, you know that casual sex is risky at best. It’s dangerous at worst, and almost always physically and emotionally unfulfilling.
Remember to lay the groundwork with your partner:
… I would definitely mention it before you next have sex, so his monkey brain can start shifting things around a bit. … Mention it again while you’re having sex. If you see him getting lost in his own pleasure/getting close, stop.
This FemaleDatingStrategy thread is an important step toward healthier, more satisfying lovemaking for both partners. However, in some ways the primary gift of the thread is indirectly hinted at, but glossed over by the author. All lovers are wise not to pursue orgasm when they aren’t feeling it. If they do, they increase the risk of unwelcome feelings of satiety and resentment.
The determination to push toward climax may also promote the post-coital moodswings that are far more common than mainstream media would have its audience believe…in women too.
Thanks for the fascinating read, r/FemaleDatingStrategy!