Nyuzipepala ya New York Times inafalitsa nkhani ya Guest Essay yakuti, “N'chifukwa Chiyani Anthu Ambiri Sakukwatira? Funsani Akazi Kuti Chibwenzi Ndi Chotani."
Sipafunika munthu wopenyerera mwachidwi kuti awone kuwonongeka kwakukulu kwa dziko lokweretsa. Ambiri amene anakulira ndi zolinga zachikhalidwe zaukwati ndi banja m'malo mwake adzipeza momvetsa chisoni kuti akuyenda movutikira padziko lonse lapansi zomwe zimapangitsa kuti "bizinesi monga mwanthawi zonse" zisachitike.
M'malo moloza zala, mwina tonse tibwerere m'mbuyo ndikuganiziranso zina. Kodi palimodzi tikuchita chinachake chomwe chimapangitsa kuti pakhale kusamvana ndi kusamvana pakati pa abambo ndi amai, zomwe zimawapangitsa kuti abwerere kumudzi wawo?
Ngati ndi choncho, kodi tingatsegule mpatawo, ndipo mwina kupeza phindu losayembekezereka pokonzanso macheza athu achikondi? Mwina Kupanga chikondi cha Synergy kukhala wofunika kuyesera moona mtima? Titha kukhala tikunyalanyaza fungulo lokulitsa moyo wabwino, malingaliro odekha athunthu, kuwonjezereka kwachiyanjano komanso kuzindikira kwauzimu kokulirapo.
Nawa mawu ena ochokera m'nkhaniyo, zotsatiridwa ndi mayankho a owerenga:
Nov. 11, 2023
Wolemba Anna Louie Sussman
…ambiri a olemba nkhani ndi olemba… akhala akutsutsana zolimbikitsa ndi kuika banja patsogolo, nthawi zina pofuna chimwemwe chonse koma nthawi zambiri chifukwa cha ubwino wa ana.
… Koma kukamba za anthu oti akwatiwe kuchokera pamwamba pa nsanja ya minyanga ya njovu sikugwirizana ndi zenizeni zomwe akazi ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amakumana nazo: mkhalidwe wa amuna masiku ano. …
Nthawi zambiri amayi amafunsidwa za zomwe adakumana nazo ndi maubwenzi, mayankho sakhala omwe aliyense amafuna kumva. Chakumapeto kwa zaka za m’ma 1990, akatswiri a za chikhalidwe cha anthu, Kathryn Edin ndi Maria Kefalas, anafunsa amayi 162 omwe amapeza ndalama zochepa ku Camden, NJ, ndi Philadelphia kuti amvetse chifukwa chake anali ndi ana osakwatiwa. “Kawirikawiri ndalama sizikhala chifukwa chachikulu” Amayi amati sakhalanso ndi abambo a ana awo. M’malo mwake, amayi amatchula zolakwa zazikulu kwambiri, akulemba motero Dr. Edin ndi Dr. Kefalas. “Kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo ndi moŵa, khalidwe laupandu ndi kutsekeredwa m’ndende, kusakhulupirika mobwerezabwereza ndi nkhanza zapamtima zimene zili m’gulu la anthu oipa amene afala kwambiri pa nkhani za amayi osauka za kulephera paubale.”
Koma sizitengera khalidwe loipa ngati limeneli kufooketsa ukwati; nthawi zambiri, kuyanjana kosavuta kapena kusasinthika kumatha kukhala kovuta. Mayi Camino, kumbali yawo, akhala akuchita zibwenzi kuyambira pamene mwamuna wake anachoka koma sanakumanepo ndi aliyense amene ali ndi makhalidwe ofanana ndi ake, munthu wanthabwala ndipo—amazengereza kugwiritsa ntchito mawu oti “wokonda zachikazi” — samangosintha maganizo ake. maso ndi kunena chinachake chokhudza kukhala pa nthawi yake pamene akulankhula maganizo. …
Kuyambira kalekale anthu akhala akulimbikitsa ukwati, akhala akuonanso kuti mwamuna wabwino ndi wovuta. (Onani: William Julius Wilson kapena Nora Ephron woyambirira.) Koma zomwe poyamba zidatsutsidwa monga kudandaula kwa akazi osankha tsopano zikuthandizidwa ndi gulu la data. Ofufuza omwewo omwe akutsegula ukwati amadandaulanso ndi zovuta zomwe zili pakati pa amuna ndi anyamata, zomwe zimatchedwa kuti amuna omwe amachoka ku koleji, kusiya ntchito kapena kulephera kusamalira thanzi lawo. Mwachitsanzo, Mayi Kearney akuvomereza kuti kuwongolera mkhalidwe wachuma wa amuna, makamaka amene alibe madigiri a kukoleji, ndi sitepe lofunika kwambiri lowapangitsa kukhala mabwenzi okongola kwambiri.
Koma ngakhale kugwedeza uku kumanyalanyaza mbali ya chikhalidwe cha chibwenzi - gawo lomwe ndi lovuta kubisa mu kafukufuku kapena adiresi ndi ndondomeko. Daniel Cox, mkulu wa bungwe la American Enterprise Institute amene posachedwapa anafufuza anthu a ku America oposa 5,000 okhudza zibwenzi ndi maunansi, anapeza kuti pafupifupi theka la akazi ophunzira kukoleji ananena kuti anali osakwatiwa chifukwa anali ndi vuto lopeza munthu wochita zimene akuyembekezera, kuyerekeza ndi mmodzi. wachitatu wa amuna. Zofunsa mozama, iye anati, "zinali zokhumudwitsa kwambiri." Pazifukwa zosiyanasiyana - mauthenga osakanikirana ochokera ku chikhalidwe chochuluka okhudza kulimba ndi kusatetezeka, chikhalidwe chokhazikika cha maubwenzi aamuna - zikuwoneka kuti pamene amuna amayamba chibwenzi, amakhala "ochepa m'kukhoza kwawo ndi kufunitsitsa kukhala okhudzidwa kwambiri. zomwe zilipo komanso zomwe zilipo," adatero.
Kuyendera maubwenzi apakati pa nthawi ya kusintha kwa chikhalidwe cha amuna ndi akazi ndi ziyembekezo "kumafuna kukhudzidwa kwamalingaliro komwe ndikuganiza kuti amuna ena amasowa, kapena alibe chidziwitso," anawonjezera. …
Mnzanga wina wotereyu, amene ndinaphunzira naye ku koleji, sangafune china chilichonse kuposa kukwatiwa. Ndiwokongola komanso wochita bwino, monga momwe ndikudziwira, wosankha mopambanitsa. Iye wakhala ndi maubwenzi a nthawi yaitali ndipo amayamikira ubwenzi ndi bata zomwe amapereka. Kuti akwaniritse izi, amasunga zolemba za Post-it pa bolodi lazidziwitso. Pa icho, wajambula mizere 10 yokhala ndi mabwalo 10 iliyonse. Nthawi iliyonse akapita pachibwenzi ndi munthu watsopano, amadzaza bwalo. Wadzipereka kukhala ndi zibwenzi zosachepera zana pamene akufunafuna mwamuna yemwe angakhale naye banja. M’zaka ziŵiri, wadzaza pafupifupi theka la mabwalo, ndipo akadali wosakwatiwa. Zili ngati mawonekedwe a SAT pomwe yankho lililonse siliri lolondola. Akapempha anzake aamuna kuti amukhazikitse ndi anzawo, nthawi zonse amamuuza kuti palibe amene akumudziwa amene angamuchitire zabwino. "Zili ngati, muli bwanji oyipa?" akudabwa.
Kunena zowona, amuna ambiri ndi anthu osangalatsa komanso okondedwa, ndipo ndikutsimikiza kuti akazi ambiri ndi onyansa, onyansa kapena osalemekeza. Ambiri aife timawadziwa amuna owopsa awa - ndi anzathu, achibale athu, anzathu - ndipo timakonda kukumana ndi wina wofanana nawo. Maubwenzi ndi gawo lofunikira la moyo; ubwenzi ndi wokondeka ndi chikhumbo chachibadwa chaumunthu. Koma m'malo modzudzula anthu (makamaka akazi, makamaka amayi osakwatiwa) kuti akwatire ana, nanga bwanji chisoni pang'ono chomwe tikukhalamo pomwe magulu osiyanasiyana amasewera apangitsa kuti kukhala ndi ubale wabwino kukhala kovuta kupeza?…
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Nawa mayankho omwe owerenga akukambirana nkhani ya alendo okhudza chifukwa chomwe amayi ambiri sakukwatiwa. Disembala 3, 2023
Malingaliro Akuthwa pa Chibwenzi ndi Ukwati Masiku Ano
Kwa Mkonzi:
Re “Chifukwa Chiyani Anthu Ambiri Sakukwatira? Funsani Akazi Kodi Kukhala ndi Chibwenzi N’kotani,” yolembedwa ndi Anna Louie Sussman (Nkhani ya mlendo ya maganizo, Nov. 25): Nditawerenga nkhaniyi, ndinasiya kumva kuti nthawi zambiri masiku ano, anthu amalimbikitsa kuzunzidwa. Akazi (ndi amuna) masiku ano sayenera kuimba mlandu amuna kapena akazi anzawo chifukwa chosankha kusakwatira.
Monga mwamuna amene wakhala m’banja kwa zaka 45 kwa mkazi yemweyo, ndingauze owerenga anu zinthu zingapo: Palibe amene ali wangwiro, moyo uli wodzaza ndi zodabwitsa (zabwino ndi zoipa), ndipo kusiya ndiye njira yanu yomaliza, osati yanu yoyamba. choncho tenga mwayi ndikuchitapo kanthu.
Ine ndi mkazi wanga tinakwatirana tidakali aang’ono, ndipo kubadwa kwa mwana wathu wamwamuna woyamba, yemwe anabadwa wolumala, tonse tinagwira ntchito zolimba m’banja ndipo tikuterobe.
Moyo si wophweka kwa anthu ambiri, ndipo kutenga mwayi ndi gawo la moyo. Kuzengereza kapena kusapangana ukwati chifukwa chosatsimikizirika chopeza mnzawo “wangwiro”, chisungiko chandalama, ndi zina zotero, kumabweretsa mavuto akeake, monga momwe kumachitira kugwirizana ndi munthu wopanda ungwiro. Nthawi zina ndimaona kuti akazi afunika kusiya kuimba mlandu amuna chifukwa cha mavuto amene ali m’dzikoli. Kwa nthaŵi yonse imene amuna ndi akazi akhala padziko lapansi, amuna ndi akazi afunikira kupirira kusiyana kwa wina ndi mnzake, ndipo pali zitsanzo zosatha za mayanjano opambana.
Tengani mwayi, ndikumvetsetsa kuti palibe amene ali wangwiro, kukhululukira ndi kuiwala, ndikugwira ntchito mwakhama paukwati - ndikoyenera.
Jim Strauss
Waukee, Iowa
Kwa Mkonzi:
Anna Louie Sussman akufotokoza mosapita m'mbali za akazi osakwatiwa amakono ku US Ndinakhala zaka zanga za m'ma 20 muubwenzi womwe umayenera kutha m'banja. Pamene chikondi + ukwati + ana equation sichinatheke, ndinadzipeza ndekha ndikuyang’ana.
Pamene ndinafika kumapeto kwa zaka za m’ma 30 ndi wotchi yanga yobadwa nayo, ndinakumana ndi zopinga ziŵiri: Amuna ambiri osakwatiwa amsinkhu wanga tsopano anali kufunafuna wina wamng’ono, ndi lonjezo la kubala kwakukulu, ndiyeno panali amuna a m’zaka zawo zoyambirira mpaka zapakati. Zaka za m'ma 40, zomwe zimachokera ku kulekana kovuta, kusudzulana ndi nkhondo zosunga ana.
Ndidayesa kutengera mawonekedwe a mkazi wam'tsogolo komanso mayi wopeza, koma mwina ndidalephera chifukwa chokhala wokangalika komanso osapeza bwino - kulera ndimwambo womwe sungathe kumveka ngati wina. Ndili ndi zaka 38 ndinaganiza zokhala mayi wosakwatiwa mwa kusankha ndipo ndinakhala zaka za m'ma 40 ndikukhala ndi zovuta zonse za makolo apakati; kusiyana kwake kunali kuti ndinachita ndekha.
Tsopano ndili m'zaka za m'ma 50, ndabwereranso mu dziwe la zibwenzi ndikupeza kuti zovuta zikadali zonditsutsa: Kodi ndine wophunzira kwambiri komanso "ndinachita bwino" (ndili ndi Ph.D.)? Kodi sindine woonda mokwanira? Kodi sindine "wochita" mokwanira pamene aliyense pa intaneti akuwoneka kuti akuyenda, kupalasa njinga, kuthamanga ndi kutsetsereka? Kodi kukhala “osakwatiwa” ndi chilema chonditsutsa? Kodi ndikuti ndine wochokera ku India?
Ndi gawo lachiwombankhanga cha ophwanya malonda omwe sindidzadziwa mayankho ake, koma zomwe ndikudziwa ndi izi: Mbadwo wanga wa akazi mwina udzakhala woyamba kukhala ndi chiwerengero chachikulu chotere kuti sanakwatirepo, ndipo sizinakhalepo nthawi zonse. mwa kusankha.
Rajika Bhandari
Irvington, NY
Kwa Mkonzi:
Nkhaniyi inapereka kusanthula kwabwino kwambiri kwa maudindo a amuna ndi akazi komanso momwe anthu amaonera maubwenzi amakono. Chinthu chachikulu m’chipambano chaukwati wanga wazaka 45 chinali chakuti mkazi wanga anakwatiwa ndi mkazi.
Azimayi akuyenera kukhala pachibwenzi momasuka komanso momveka bwino "omenyera ufulu wachikazi" osati kukhala munthu amene "amazengereza kugwiritsa ntchito mawuwa." Adzadziwanso kuti amene akufuna kukhala naye pa ubwenzi amachirikiza ufulu wa amayi ndi ubale wofanana.
Monga mkazi wokangalika wokonda zachikazi, ndimagwira ntchito zosamalira ana, ndimagwira ntchito zapakhomo (kuchapa ndi kutsuka mbale), ndipo ndimayamikira ndalama zimene mkazi wanga amapereka m’banja (amagwira ntchito ndi digiri ya masters aŵiri). Mkazi weniweni amalimbikitsa kupititsa patsogolo nzeru ndi ntchito mu chibwenzi kapena mwamuna kapena mkazi ndipo saopsezedwa.
Mark Ondrake
Seattle
Kwa Mkonzi:
Iyi ndi nkhani yosangalatsa! Monga mkazi wosakwatiwa wazaka 38, ndine wokondwa kwambiri kuwona wina akulankhula ndikutsimikizira zomwe ndakumana nazo ndikulingalira kuti ndibwerere ku chikakamizo cha kuyembekezera kukwatiwa ndikukhala ndi banja kuti ayenerere kukhala osangalala, munthu wathanzi labwino.
White mwamuna mwayi ndi kusowa wonse wofunitsitsa kuchita ndi ponseponse mu chibwenzi dziko kuti basi kundisiya jaded ndi wokondwa kukhala wosakwatiwa. Sindifuna mwamuna kuti ndikhale wokondwa, kapena kukhala kholo labwino.
Ndikungokhulupirira kuti amuna awerenga nkhaniyi ndikuphunzirapo kanthu.
Kristen Snow
Monticello, Ark.
Kwa Mkonzi:
Kafukufuku wosonyeza kuti ana amachita bwino m'mabanja a makolo awiri akusokoneza mgwirizano ndi causation. Ana a anthu okwatirana sakhala bwino chifukwa cha ukwatiwo. Iwo ali bwino chifukwa amuna ndi oyenera kukwatiwa.
Kukwatiwa ndi mwamuna wankhanza, wosagwira ntchito kapena wogwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo sikukweza moyo wa ana. Kukwatiwa ndi mwamuna amene amaima pafupi nanu ndikuthandizira ana ake ndizomwe zimatukula miyoyo ya ana. Ndipo ngati anawo ali ndi atate wotero, iwo adzakhala bwinoko, kaya okwatiranawo ali okwatirana kapena ayi. Siukwati, ndi mwamuna - kaya musinthanitsa mphete kapena ayi.
Ndili ndi mwana wanga wamwamuna, yemwe ndi wolumala kwambiri komanso wofooka pamankhwala, ine ndi bambo ake tinali tisanakwatirane. Sitinakonzekere kukhalira limodzi, koma tinakonza zoti tizigwira nawo ntchito yosamalira ana m’mabanja aŵiri. Mwana wathu atabadwa, zinali zoonekeratu kuti anafunika kusamaliridwa kwambiri. Nthawi yomweyo bambo ake analowa m’nyumbamo, ndipo tinkasinthana kumugwira uku akulira kwa maola ambiri.
Sitinakwatirane kwa zaka zambiri. Pamene tinatero, inali ya inshuwalansi ya umoyo. Chikondi ndi kudzipereka zinalipo kwa zaka zambiri pamene tidasintha misonkho yathu.
Michelle Noris
Queens
Kwa Mkonzi:
Anna Louie Sussman sanatchule chinyengo cha kusankha kosatha komwe amuna ndi akazi amapeza pazibwenzi. Anthu sakonda kunyengerera chifukwa amaganiza kuti nthawi zonse pali chiyembekezo china kumbuyo kwa izi. Ndipo wina. Ndipo wina. Ndi maganizo oipa.
Bruce Sheiman
New York
Kwa Mkonzi:
Zikomo kwambiri chifukwa cha nkhaniyi. Chifukwa cha chikhalidwe chathu, amayi ambiri (osachepera ine) amadabwa: Kodi ndi ine ndekha? Kodi ili ndi vuto langa? Ndili ndi zaka 45, ndili ndi digiri ya masters ndipo ndakhala ndikuchiritsa kwa zaka zambiri. Amuna omwe ndidakhala nawo pachibwenzi amawoneka ngati ogwidwa bwino poyamba (anzeru, olimbikitsa, aulemu), kenako amawulula nkhani zawo. Izi zimachokera ku uchidakwa wochepa, kusunthika kuntchito kupita kuntchito, kusowa cholinga, malingaliro opangira katemera, kulephera kudzipereka, kudzichepetsa komanso kulephera kutsamira zinthu zikavuta.
Nkhaniyi ndi chikumbutso zothandiza kuti ngakhale ndili ndi nkhani zanga kuti ndithetsere, mavuto anga pachibwenzi ndi mbali ya chizolowezi chimene amuna m'dziko lino akusowa thandizo chikhalidwe adakali aang'ono kukulitsa luso maganizo zofunika kuti bwino pambuyo pa moyo. .
E. Ramos
Santa Fe, NM
Kwa Mkonzi:
Wolembayo amagwiritsa ntchito momasuka malingaliro olakwika onena za amuna zomwe zingayambitse mkwiyo ngati maudindowo asinthidwa. Kodi mungaganizire nkhani ya alendo ikufalitsidwa momwe amuna amadandaula za chibwenzi chifukwa cha mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya misogynistic tropes?
Tony Bozanich
New York
