If you’re trying to master effortless lovemaking Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation is an excellent, practical resource.
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Excerpts
In sex, you are relaxing in it, not controlling it. If you are controlling it, there will be no relaxation. If you are controlling it, sooner or later you will be hurried to finish it because control is a strain. By using repressive techniques, the shift is from ejaculation to avoiding ejaculation–which means that the goal orientation [strain] remains the same. …
If you can remain in the beginning without becoming hot, just remaining warm, then those two warmths will meet and you can prolong the act for a very long time. With no ejaculation, with no throwing energy out, it becomes a meditation, and through it you become whole. …
[Female sexual polarity emanates from the breasts.] The way to expand female sexual energy is to initially shift the emphasis away from the vagina and clitoris toward the breasts….A warm hand that gently embraces and lovingly molds to the breasts is absolutely perfect. There is no need to stimulate the nipples directly, but only indirectly through simple hand contact or a feather-light brush once or twice….[During sex] as you breathe out, radiate love and light from the penis. As you breathe in, absorb the love and light coming from her breasts. …
Visualize your penis as a channel for potency, warmth, and love….Relaxing the anus frequently and maintaining awareness of the base of the penis will give you an inner feeling of your penis as a complete unit, rather than a disembodied tool for thrusting. It becomes a divine instrument capable of channeling subtle energies that flow or stream from the root upward to the radiant head, and beyond into your receptive partner. …
Raising awareness and sensitivity
Movements made with the intention of creating pleasure and excitement will tend to become mechanical, and when we become like machines, we lose awareness and sensitivity. …Instead of woman pushing forward to meet man’s movement, she tilts her pelvis upward at an angle and remains still. In this non-moving position a woman is able to put all her attention into her vagina–into he receiving, absorbing, and welcoming of the penis into her body. …
If you are not in a hurry to finish the act, the…sex organs melt into each other. A deep silent communion happens between two body energies, and then you can remain for hours together. …
There is a natural slowing down when any act is done with awareness. …
The head of the penis can enter the vagina and gradually open it along its entire length, gently probing….The problem with an entry by the penis that is fast or aggressive and lacking in awareness is that woman (unconsciously or consciously) closes her vagina to protect herself from possible intense pain [from the penis bumping the cervix].
Soft entry
A slippery, smooth, silky, slow, sensual penetration simply has to one of life’s greatest joys, for both man and woman. Use lubricant without hesitation and with pleasure, and use it every time. …
[The advantage of soft entry] is that both man and woman begin at zero, so to speak, allowing their temperatures to warm up together. Soft entry is very easy and, with practice, can happen in the flash of a second. …
Stillness is…resting in your body and being present to woman. It is not turning her on, but opening and accessing her, supporting her to relax and melt into herself, giving her the feeling of being at home and at ease. If the initial pace is easy, relaxed and slow, lovemaking is more likely to be filled with timeless delight and pleasure. …
Woman can feel immediately if a man has intention behind his touch, and this very often closes down her body. Drop your agendas and programming when you are with a woman. Just be present in yourself and in your heart, sharing your being, touching and caressing with love. …
Relax
Relax…If nothing happens there is no need for anything to happen. If nothing happens then that is what is happening…and that too is beautiful! …
[A loving penis] can begin to “catalyze” what has accumulated in the female body and allow her to relax and transform into pure love–the true quality of woman. …
In making love from the inner dimension, man will discover his true male authority. …
There are no mass solutions for the world’s problems. There is only one solution, and it starts with this man and this woman. …Anger and frustration levels reduce dramatically when hot sex and ejaculation are avoided or reduced.
Richardson, Diana, and Michael Richardson. 2010. Tantric sex for men: making love a meditation. Rochester, Vt: Destiny Book