Excerpts:

“Great sex” had very little to do with proper physiological functioning (e.g., hard erections, vaginal lubrication, intercourse, orgasm). …

The actual sexual behaviours and acts performed are far less important than the mind set and intent of the person or couple engaged in these acts. …

As sex therapists, we often help clients to overcome sexual dysfunction yet note that their enjoyment of sexual relations and more strikingly, their sexual frequency remain underwhelming. We may be tempted to explain what may then appear to be desire disorders or at least desire discrepancies as symptomatic of deeper, perhaps relational or systemic sexual problems.

Here is another possibility: Maybe nothing is wrong. Maybe nothing ever was wrong but nothing was quite right, either. Perhaps clients know intuitively that they were seeking something more fulfilling, exciting and meaningful than predictable and reliable genital responses could have provided all along. If clients truly wish to experience “sex worth wanting”, therapists need to aim much higher than merely returning their clients to adequate physiological functioning. In other words, perhaps much of what is currently diagnosed as sexual desire disorders can be best understood as a healthy response to dismal and disappointing sex.

In order to help those seeking optimal sexuality, or even sex worth getting excited about, clinicians will need to acquire new skill sets and learn how to develop new capacities in our patients.

The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality (Full paper)

Vol. 18 (1-2) 2009 1

Peggy J. Kleinplatz1,2, A. Dana Ménard2, Marie-Pierre Paquet2, Nicolas Paradis3, Meghan Campbell4, Dino Zuccarino2, and Lisa Mehak2

Abstract

The purpose of this investigation was to develop a useful conceptual model of optimal sexuality by identifying and describing its elements. Semi-structured interviews were conducted with 64 key informants, i.e., 44 individuals who reported having experienced “great sex” and 20 sex therapists. Subsequently, phenomenologically-oriented content analysis was performed on interview transcripts. Eight major components were identified: being present,  connection, deep sexual and erotic intimacy, extraordinary communication, interpersonal risk-taking and exploration, authenticity, vulnerability and transcendence. Clinical implications of these findings are considered, including the need for sex therapists to acquire and transmit new methods and skills.