Synergy calls for sexual intimacy without orgasm and lots of bonding behaviours. Of course, scientists aren’t yet controlling for orgasm in their studies. But they are bumping up against the separate elements of the Synergy practice…indirectly.
Consider a study entitled, “Compensatory Effects of Affectionate Communication in Marriages with Infrequent Sexual Activity”. This study examined affectionate communication’s role in sustaining sexual and relationship satisfaction, particularly in the context of infrequent sexual activity.
The researchers reported that affection (both verbal and physical) indeed somewhat compensates for infrequent sexual intercourse with respect to satisfaction in married couples. Mind you, they’re not suggesting lovers should substitute hugs for intercourse! Both nourish couples.
Yet, given that conventional intercourse generally involves orgasm by one or both partners, this research indirectly suggests to us that bonding behaviours can compensate to some degree for the perceived benefits of orgasmic sex. In any case, this research supports the power of bonding behaviours in marital satisfaction.
From the “Practical Implications” segment below:
…Instead of perceiving a lack of sexual activity [or orgasm!] as inherently problematic, a more nuanced and inclusive perspective on sexuality could be fostered. Recognizing that couples can sustain a strong and satisfying emotional connection through affectionate exchanges offers a broader perspective of intimacy and sexuality.
More about the study
This study recruited a sample of 700 individuals with 50% women and 50% men from South Korea. All were married individuals, ranging in age from their 20s to 60s (M = 50.38 years). The “affectionate communication” behaviours comprised verbal expression (saying “I love you,” giving compliments, and praising accomplishments) and non-verbal expression (kissing on the cheek or lips, holding hands, and giving hugs).
Specifically, we examined whether the relationship between sexual frequency and both sexual and relationship satisfaction is attenuated among individuals who frequently engage in affectionate communication. Addressing these questions clarifies (a) the specific role of affectionate communication in promoting sexual and relational well-being and (b) its potential compensatory function in marriages characterized by lower sexual frequency.
…Of the 700 participants, 177 (25%) reported no instances of sexual activity. Additionally, 175 participants (25%) reported having sexual intercourse once a month, 109 (16%) reported twice a month, and 55 (8%) reported three times a month. The remaining 184 participants (26%) reported a sexual frequency ranging from 4 to 20 times per month. The participants’ overall average sexual frequency was 2.43 times per month.
Results
The findings indicate that higher levels of expressed affection are associated with greater sexual satisfaction, while both expressed and received affection are associated with higher levels of marital satisfaction, even when accounting for sexual intercourse frequency. Notably, the associations between sexual intercourse frequency and both sexual and marital satisfaction were less pronounced among individuals who engaged in affectionate communication frequently, suggesting a potential compensatory role of affectionate communication for couples with lower sexual activity frequency. That is, couples who frequently express and receive affectionate communication may maintain higher sexual and marital satisfaction levels despite lower sexual intercourse frequency. (Emphasis supplied)
Interestingly,
the buffering effects of affectionate communication did not vary significantly across age groups. Similarly, … the moderating effects of affectionate communication on satisfaction outcomes were comparable across men and women.
That said,
the interaction between received affection and sexual frequency was stronger at [age 38] compared to [age 63], indicating that the compensatory effect of affection on low sexual frequency may be more pronounced in younger individuals.
Theoretical implications:
Our findings suggest that the link between sexual frequency and marital satisfaction may depend on the extent to which couples engage in other forms of affectionate interaction. Consistent with need-fulfillment models of romantic relationships (Patrick et al., 2007), the fulfillment of core sexual intimacy needs—rather than the specific act of sexual intercourse—appears most critical. (Emphasis supplied)
Practical implications:
The finding that simple, everyday gestures such as hugging, kissing, or saying “I love you” can mitigate the effects of infrequent sexual activity is particularly noteworthy because these behaviors are both simple to enact and highly effective. Unlike sexual activity, which often requires a confluence of specific conditions such as privacy, emotional readiness, and physiological arousal (Call et al.,1995; Fischer et al., 2022), affectionate behaviors are less constrained and more easily integrated into daily routines. As such, they may offer a more accessible and sustainable avenue for preserving intimacy, particularly during life periods when sexual intercourse is difficult to prioritize due to stress, health limitations, or shifting demands.
… Rather than imposing pressure on couples to increase sexual activity when intimacy is lacking, therapists might instead encourage the cultivation of everyday affectionate exchanges. Such behaviors can support emotional and physical closeness in ways that are more feasible and sustainable in daily life. Supporting this perspective, research suggests that small increases in behaviors such as cuddling can meaningfully enhance relationship satisfaction (Van Raalte et al., 2021). By contrast, interventions that urge couples to increase the frequency of sexual activity have, at times, produced unintended declines in happiness (Loewenstein et al., 2015), perhaps because such efforts heighten performance pressure or reduce the spontaneity that often characterizes satisfying sexual experiences.
In short,
Frequent intercourse may not always be feasible for individuals experiencing low sexual desire, sexual dysfunction, or age-related changes in sexual activity (Nicolosi et al., 2004). In such cases, adopting a broader conceptualization of sexual well-being—one that incorporates affectionate communication—may be particularly beneficial. As demonstrated in this study, affectionate exchanges may partially fulfill sexual satisfaction needs and compensate, to some extent, for the lack of sexual intercourse, thus offering an alternative pathway to maintaining relationship satisfaction.
…Instead of perceiving a lack of sexual activity as inherently problematic, a more nuanced and inclusive perspective on sexuality could be fostered. Recognizing that couples can sustain a strong and satisfying emotional connection through affectionate exchanges offers a broader perspective of intimacy and sexuality.
Background research of interest to Synergy explorers
Research has highlighted that relationship and sexual satisfaction are not exclusively associated with sexual intercourse but can originate from various affectionate behaviours, such as kissing and cuddling, which have been independently linked to enhanced relationship quality (Busby et al., 2023; Van Raalte et al., 2021). These findings raise important questions about whether alternative forms of affectionate interactions can mitigate the potential negative impacts of infrequent sexual activity on sexual and marital satisfaction.
Affection exchange theory (AET) posits that affectionate exchanges are essential for developing and maintaining emotional bonds.
… Affectionate communication refers to verbal and nonverbal messages that convey fondness and love (Floyd, 2006). According to AET, affectionate communication is pivotal in forging and strengthening human pair bonds and facilitating relationship maintenance and long-term survival in ways that support evolutionary adaptation (Floyd, 2002, 2006).
When close others express benign and affiliative motivation by displaying affection, recipients tend to experience a sense of safety and acceptance (Denes et al., 2017; Jakubiak & Feeney, 2017), thereby strengthening and sustaining long term relationship bonds between partners. Focusing on these interpersonal benefits, a substantial body of research has consistently demonstrated the positive effects of receiving affectionate communication on personal and relational well-being, especially in romantic relationships wherein affectionate exchanges occur frequently and naturally.
Receiving verbal and nonverbal affection has been linked to lower physiological stress reactivity (Floyd & Riforgiate, 2008; Holt-Lunstad et al., 2008) and depression levels (Aloia & Brecht, 2017). Additionally, receiving affectionate communication has been associated with greater feelings of love and commitment (Sorokowska et al., 2023; Vasquez et al., 2024), as well as higher relationship satisfaction among couples (Doohan & Manusov, 2004; Jakubiak & Feeney, 2019).
Giving affection may confer greater benefits than merely receiving it
Receiving affection seems to benefit personal wellbeing as well as build emotional reserves and resilience in romantic relationships; consequently, it can equip couples to navigate challenges and maintain relationship satisfaction and overall well-being (Afifi et al., 2016; Horan, 2012). Importantly, the benefits of affectionate communication extend beyond receiving affection to also include expressing it. According to AET, expressing affection may confer even greater psychological and relational benefits than merely receiving it, partly because expressing affection often involves genuinely feeling it, whereas receiving affection does not necessarily reflect the presence of such feelings (Hesse et al., 2021).
… A growing body of empirical research has documented positive associations between expressing affection and various indicators of personal and relationship functioning. Individuals expressing greater affection toward their partners report higher levels of happiness and self-esteem (Floyd et al., 2005), reduced physiological stress (Floyd et al., 2007), and greater relationship satisfaction and commitment (Horan & Booth-Butterfield, 2010). Moreover, the unique psychological benefits of expressing affection have been found to exceed those of receiving it (Hesse et al., 2021). [But] both expressing and receiving affection make unique contributions to well-being (Floyd, 2006; Floyd et al., 2005). Such findings suggest that individuals may derive distinct psychological and relational benefits from expressing affection, even in the absence of reciprocal receipt, and likewise benefit from receiving affection without necessarily expressing it in return.
Intercourse not vital to sexual intimacy
…However, equating sexual intimacy exclusively with sexual intercourse may be overly restrictive. Emerging evidence informed by AET increasingly indicates that sexual satisfaction can also be supported through a wider range of affectionate behaviors, rather than solely through sexual intercourse. For instance, Busby et al. (2023) found that kissing frequency is positively associated with sexual satisfaction. Further evidence on older adults has indicated that physical intimacy is frequently sustained through touching (Gott & Hinchliff, 2003). These findings highlight the broad role of affectionate communication in fostering sexual intimacy and satisfaction, suggesting that forms of affection that are often nonsexual in nature can meaningfully contribute to human pair bonding and overall sexual wellbeing.
Intercourse and marital satisfaction (as opposed to sexual satisfaction)
…Findings regarding the relationship between sexual frequency and overall marital satisfaction remain inconsistent. Some studies have reported a positive relationship (Muise et al., 2016), whereas others have noted no significant predictive relationship (McNulty et al., 2016; Roels & Janssen, 2020; Schoenfeld et al., 2017). In addressing these discrepancies, Costa and Brody (2012) demonstrated that among various sexual behaviors, only penile–vaginal intercourse frequency is positively associated with relationship satisfaction, underscoring the unique role of coital intercourse in shaping relationship well-being.
Although such accounts are informative, even studies focusing narrowly on intercourse frequency have failed to consistently find significant associations with global relationship satisfaction (e.g., Schoenfeld et al., 2017). This variability suggests that, while sexual satisfaction is reliably linked to sexual intercourse frequency, marital satisfaction may depend more on a broader constellation of relational behaviors, including affectionate communication, that reflect emotional intimacy and day-to-day partner responsiveness. (Emphasis supplied)
…Researchers have paid limited attention] to alternative forms of affectionate exchanges. Sexual activity contributes to relationship satisfaction partially by satisfying a fundamental human need for affection (Debrot et al., 2017). If this need is satisfied through broader forms of affectionate communication, such as cuddling and verbal expressions of appreciation, the impact of infrequent sexual activity on marital satisfaction may be attenuated.
…Among couples who engage in affectionate communication more frequently, sexual frequency may show little to no association with marital satisfaction, possibly because core intimacy needs are already being fulfilled through affectionate communication.
Consider the possibility that the above statement also applies to sex without orgasm, except that benefits of intercourse itself are also present, making Synergy even more beneficial.
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Another interesting Archives study reported:
we found that those individuals who did not use pornography or did not masturbate during the past year had significantly lower levels of mental distress and loneliness than those who did.
