tantra and pre-orgasmic sex

The author intends this volume on tantra and pre-orgasmic sex as “a no-nonsense book that takes the mystery out of sexuality and its relationship to yoga and the spiritual path.” It is part of an advanced yoga series entitled, “AYP Enlightenment Series”. You may also want to visit the AYA Forum on Tantra: Tantra – A Holistic View of Spiritual Development.


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[View Table of Contents]

Chapter 5 – The Hold-back Technique – A Stairway to Heaven

…Obviously, an important part of this is answering the question, “What do I want from sex?” If the answer is, “Something more than genital orgasm”, then we are ready to begin experimenting with tantric sexual methods.

The methods are pretty simple. It is about managing sexual stimulation and orgasm. And it is about male plumbing, or piping. Very mundane stuff, when you think about it. …

Let’s remind ourselves that we are coming to the bed for a higher purpose in lovemaking. … It is about honoring and filling your partner with divine ecstasy. … Tantric sex is about your partner. … We make love by giving. …

Sometimes making love means saying “no.” Loving is not rolling over for every desire our partner may have, particularly a desire that is destructive.

So these are the foundation blocks:

  1. First, understanding that tantric sex is about cultivating sexual energy upward, pre-orgasmically in our nervous system.
  2. Second, that sitting yoga practices: meditation, pranayama, etc….can provide pre-requisite purification in our nervous system.
  3. Third, that we are looking for more than genital orgasm, and
  4. Fourth, that we are there for our partner.
Now, let’s talk about the Hold-Back Method….

The Hold-Back Method is most easily done with the man on top and the woman on the bottom. … The Hold-Back Method involves just what it says.: holding back. It is done by the man. It is done before his orgasm. Preferably not too close to his orgasm.

The idea is not to get to the edge of orgasm and hold back. It can be too late then. And then the man is out of business until next time. No doubt it will happen that way sometimes, and that is okay. …

If [orgasm] happens only once a week, or less often, it is not such a big deal. But even those who  have sex only occasionally can find their yoga process improved by knowing the methods of tantric sex. …

[Technique details]

In the Hold-Back Method, the lingam enters the yoni for a number of strokes and pulls out, and lingers around the opening of the yoni. How many strokes is up to the man, but well short of orgasm is recommended. This is supposed to be a long lovemaking, so, holding back sooner rather than later is best in the beginning – as this is when the staying power will be least in most men.

A few things are going on when the lingam is in hold-back mode. First, the staying power of the man in front of orgasm is being strengthened, recharging to a higher level of staying power than before the first entry into the yoni.

Second, the woman is in anticipation, and this is sexually exciting for her. She does not know when the lingam is coming back into her, and this anticipation will increase her arousal.

To add to the woman’s anticipation and excitement, the man may do a little teasing with the tip of his lingam, without risking his own orgasm. He may enter the yoni just a little bit and then pull back out, or he may not touch the yoni at all with his lingam [and then surprise her]. … An accomplished tantric man won’t use the same pattern of stroking and lingering twice in a row. There are lots of ways to play the game. Everyone will play the game a little differently. …


The important thing in using the Hold-Back Method is for the man to pull out in time, and give himself adequate time to recharge and increase his staying power. In the beginning this means relaxing outside the yoni for a while, and not rushing back in as soon as the lingam has been out for a few seconds.

In the beginning it is all about building up staying power in the man. And this is done by stroking inside pre-orgasmically – and stopping outside, over and over again. … Over time, the man’s staying power becomes very great. … A change occurs gradually in his sexual biology as a result of using the Hold-Back Method. This brings bring freedom to both partners in lovemaking….

As the man goes through the cycles of stroking and holding back, a stairway of rising ecstasy is being climbed. … With each cycle the pleasure rises, the essences of love, sexual energies, rise to permeate the bodies of the two in lovemaking. Together they go up the stairs of ecstasy. …

Yogani. 2006. Tantra: discovering the power of pre-orgasmic sex. Nashville, Tenn: AYP Pub.