No one can draw from a well if the bucket has holes. ~ I Ching, Hexagram 48

So, you want to try Synergy and you don’t yet have a lover. Or maybe you have serious doubts about the merits of Synergy, but you’re a natural scientist, and you like the sound of enhanced creativity, increased harmony and greater clarity. Either way you wish to give it a good faith try.

What kind of lover should you look for? Seductive? Charismatic? Spiritual? Earthy? Docile? Macho? Experienced? Inexperienced?

The sine qua non

The most important qualification of a Synergy lover is simple: unconditional willingness to experiment with total integrity. Whether or not a potential partner is persuaded of the merits of Synergy, will they try a couple of months of mutual exchanges of affectionate energy while containing their sexual energy (no orgasm) with full integrity? Note: Can you can spend most nights together? If so, a month-long experiment may be long enough to show you what you need to know to see your options clearly.

Never mind what someone says about how willing they are. Never mind whether you think they’re hot (or they think you’re hot), and thus worth taking a risk and hoping for the best. Judge carefully. Are they just flirting? Dabbling? Promising anything to get your clothes off? Determined to set up a mutual addiction to hot sex? Alas, drinking from a muddy well won’t get you closer to Synergy.

Check in with your intuition about this person. Is making a good faith experiment more important to them than a couple of months of orgasms? There may be more at stake than you both realise. Be honest with yourselves.

Do they (and you) have the integrity to make such a commitment? Are they generous with their time and attention, or self-serving? If you loaned them money would you expect to get it back? Are they noble? Courageous enough to try something new? Do they look you in the eyes when you speak with them? Do they have humility and an open mind?

Without a genuine, shared commitment nothing significant can be accomplished.

Men: choose an experienced, confident partner

Especially if you’re sceptical of the Synergy concept, choose a strong woman with whom to try it. You will need her strength and determination to experiment with the shift from conventional sex. If, instead, you choose a compliant partner, she is likely to follow your lead right off a cliff at the first temptation.

Of course, strength backfires unless the woman is also wholly committed to Synergy for the period of experimentation. So be sure she understands what she’s committing to, for how long, and is fully on board.

Select someone you can respect as you would an elder sister. In fact, don’t hesitate to choose a woman a bit older than yourself.

Set aside your ideal-mate checklist. Even if you don’t want children, that list is heavily influenced by biology’s determination to maximise your genetic footprint at any cost to you personally. In contrast, Synergy’s goal is to unlock your joint potential as adults.

Women: Choose a partner who listens and respects your input

Choose a partner who is not only willing to experiment wholeheartedly for the duration of the experiment agreed upon, but who – even if sceptical – doesn’t brush your opinions aside dismissively.

If someone is genuinely willing to commit to a Synergy experiment, don’t worry about whether your partner has all the qualities you admire. The truth is that neither of you clearly sees the other yet. Both of you resemble wilted plants to a degree.

If you are consistent during your experiment, you are likely to see each other quite differently in a matter of weeks. Mutual nourishment brings out the best in us: enhanced creativity, clarity, charisma, optimism, kindness, joy, energy, selflessness, and so forth.

Focus on your potential partner’s character and integrity not sex appeal. Remember, your biology programmes you to prize resources, status and “hotness”. Be willing to set aside those inclinations, and any ideal-mate checklist, for the period of your joint experiment.

Approaching union slowly

Worried about unbearable sexual frustration during your Synergy trial? The good news is that affectionate energy exchanges + contained sexual energy actually ease sexual frustration. Together, they make possible a sustained experiment without distress.

It is always all right to sleep next to each other at any point during the term of your experiment, but if that is not possible, just exchange energy together when you can. Share meals and walks too when possible.

It is best to start your energy exchanges wearing light (but not seductive) clothing. Consider activities such as foot massages, head massages, holding hands while resting or meditating together, spooning, and so forth. During your exchanges of affection, sense your partner’s breathing. What do you feel where your skin touches theirs? Avoid fantasising.

Let some time pass while you stay with these gentle activities. When you both feel that your sexual energy is stable, try removing your top garments so you can engage in more skin-to-skin contact. Make no effort to stimulate each other’s sexual desire. (Hungry kissing is too stimulating.) Keep the focus on spooning, affectionate touch and gentle stroking of bare skin.

What do you notice outside the bedroom? How are your energy levels? Your ability to get things done? Your degree of optimism? Your sleep? Your playfulness? Stay with this new degree of intimacy until you again feel your mutual energy is stable.

If your sexual frustration becomes uncomfortable between encounters you are moving too quickly. Back up. When stable, try nudity while engaging in non-driven affectionate activities.

Genital contact

When you can sustain calm affection while clothing-free, you can incorporate touching genitals without intercourse. See what you notice. Can you feel energy running between you? Try this on a few occasions until your mutual “electricity” stabilises.

Then, if you both want genital connection, you can usually safely add intercourse. Keep in mind that the exchange of energy that nourishes you both is not dependent on genitals. And definitely not on using movement to increase arousal. So, start with connecting without movement. Try that on a few occasions before adding movement (which is entirely optional).

If the lack of stimulation puzzles your genitals, you may want to experiment with soft entry and one of these positions. Again, if your sexual frustration becomes uncomfortable between encounters you are moving too quickly. Back up and wait until the energy stabilises.

At the critical juncture of genital contact, take care not to fall into biology’s pattern of pumping up arousal. Tap your partner to stop moving if this occurs. Rest together until you can separate without feeling frustrated. Always end your encounters in this manner.

Are you feeling more confident? Less discouraged? More able to express your creativity? Do you collaborate with others more easily? Do you see the humour and absurdity of things more than ever, and with greater compassion?

Tapping an inexhaustible source of nourishment

When your experimental period is up, assess your results. What do you think of your experiment? Any benefits? Drawbacks?

Are you feeling complete? Whole? Suprisingly content? If not, Synergy is not for you at this time.

Ideally, Synergy allows us to tap a constant, inexhaustible source of nourishment. It shifts perception. It can grant profound understanding, even allowing us to see humanity’s circumstances and options in a new light.

“Hear my call and come to me for we’ve been separate only in dreams.”