Excerpts from this Redditor’s reflections about lovemaking without orgasm intrigued us. They seem worth sharing with our visitors.
3 month reflection
I am on day 90 of refraining from masturbation today. It seems appropriate to reminisce a little. Almost feels like a tradition.
I feel great. I am pretty creative, even though my new job is much more demanding than my previous one. I get lots of stuff done. My health is good. My sleep has come back to normal.
There were challenges. There will be more to come, for sure. But overall, I am pretty satisfied with the results.
Even the thing about attracting women comes true, much to my own surprise. Weird, that, being married and all.
On top of all that, the way I can drive my own lady insane (in the VERY good way, if you catch my drift) is absolutely over the top. Something something mindfulness mumble mumble tantra. It’s good!
Oh, and I officially have a fan! One of my stories moved a friend of mine so much, she found much deeper meaning in it than I ever did!
I am much more mentally stable than ever before. The strings and arrows of outrageous fortune don’t give me quite the same heartache and natural shocks, even though my flesh is, of course, still heir to them. …
Sex-positively abstinent? Huh? What?
I consider myself fairly sex-positive. I love sex. While I am in a monogamous relationship myself and choose to be faithful, I view sex as something all adults can enjoy with whomever they please (provided the pleasure is mutual of course). I was into BDSM for most of my adult life. I don’t kink-shame people. As long as it’s all SSC, do whatever you want. I don’t have to like your kink, but since I’m not in your bedroom, it’s none of my business. Whenever I do engage in anything sexual, I try my best to make the other person feel good and not just be a selfish prick.
I kinda push the agenda of abstinence.
Over the years, I found out that it is just good for me. Not just in the sex department, but in general – slow and delayed gratification tends to lead to overall better results. A better, more balanced, healthier life. Discipline gives me strength and self-esteem. More so than all my mental exercises, self-hypnosis and whatnot. Sure, it’s the exercise, the gym, the improved nutrition and all that – but it’s also knowing that I can rely on myself. It’s such a boost.
Anyway, one huge part of it is masturbation abstinence. I originally got into it because I was into BDSM, which led me to chastity games. I don’t do that anymore, but I can see the appeal.
I am not opposed to lust – quite the opposite. I want joy and excitement and arousal, I want bliss and sexy feelings And by restraining myself, while doing breathwork and meditation, I get just that. I get an abundance of it. It’s exquisite!
I don’t think that this path is necessarily good for everybody at all times. To start this journey is very challenging. You have to have some willpower, you have to manage the horniness and energy – and you have to set aside, at least temporarily, your reasonable skepticism about a method that some tout as a supernatural panacea.
There’s a reason why it took me almost 25 years to arrive at a point where I can seriously and honestly say that this is for life.
If you come from a sexually repressed background, and still have to overcome those limitations, it might not be the best choice right now. If you gravitate towards perfectionism and obsessing, that might be an important consideration. You should get informed about prostate cancer and decide whether it is worth the risk. I can’t make that call for you. I’m sure that there are other good reasons to reject the idea. There are always lots of factors to consider before you make potentially life-changing decisions.
Then again, you don’t have to go all the way. It is perfectly legitimate to give this a try for a week or two, and move on from there. All I ask of you, is that you consider abstinence as something that might be good for some people at some points in their lives. Maybe you, a few weeks or years down the line…
Unexpected side-effects
As I delved deeper into my practice, I noted a few changes that I never expected. All of them were beneficial, though some seemed more shocking than others.
The most shocking was that my appetite for BDSM went away. I used to be really into that stuff – on the “sub” side for the most part. Over the course of maybe a year, this vanished completely. I never wished it to go away, I don’t think that bdsm is a bad or shameful thing at all. Nor do I want it back. It just happened.
Also, I have next to zero sexual fantasies. I can conjure one up if I want to – but they never appear of their own accord, they never pester me or make me do things I don’t want to. I don’t have wet dreams either. It’s quite curious for somebody who was always such a horndog – and in some ways, still is.
Also, I don’t crave masturbation. Ever since I seriously determined to give it up forever, I broke my streak only during a time of intense job and other stress. A really really dark time. After that, I bounced back and never felt the need again.
