The fact is, most of us have not been taught as children how to connect with each other or with the Living Current of Life. Thus, we live lives seeking for “something” outside ourselves to fill emptiness within.
But there is nothing outside that can teach us how to fill it.
The fundamental skills of achieving true fulfilment were widely known in ancient times (Palestine, Greece, Tibet and many other cultures with rich traditions of mystical teachings). They provided people with knowledge about how to absorb the natural energies emanating from the cosmos and Earthly Mother.
In contrast, our society faces a crisis of intimate disconnection. Modern western culture no longer prepares us (or our children) to develop and cultivate satisfying connection. I think of this problem as the Touch Taboo.
The solution I’m suggesting cannot be easily communicated with words. It requires knowledge and willingness to absorb the subtle energies of life into our body, mind and spiritual heart.
Fortunately, people have made some wonderful strides in the last twenty years. For example, HeartMath teaches Heart-Brain Coherence techniques. Beyond this kind of human potential research lies an even more basic and profound approach, which anyone can learn. It prepares us for achieving the state of receptivity, equilibrium and emotional balance necessary for developing healthy, satisfying intimate connections.
Healthy practices
I’m referring to the simple practice(s) of absorbing biogenic energies through cosmotherapy practices. These include sunbathing, gentle movement exercise, time spent in nature, especially near trees, oceans, mountains, raw foods and occasional fasting, salt baths, earthing or grounding with bare feet on the earth, sweating, geotherapy (clay and mud packs) herbal teas and tinctures, meditation, and other natural healing remedies. (I leave it to readers to research them as there are many holistic healing practices. I only recommend you try those methods that are truly natural and which cost little or no money. Remember, nature gives her life-force essence freely. One shouldn’t have to pay hundreds of dollars for trendy technology or man-made treatments.)
There are at least two good reasons for these kinds of practices: First, in our modern world we are all suffering toxicity from the overuse of chemicals in the air, water, food, beauty products, plastics, some vaccines, as well as the disharmonic frequencies caused by technologies: EMF radiation, music, cell phones, computers. We live in a virtual minefield of hidden hazards, and daily bombardment negatively affects our moods, attitudes and sense of well-being. Not surprisingly, time spent detoxifying and absorbing natural energies can bring about miraculous healing. Of course, one must willingly put in the time and effort to do them.
Second, human beings are wired for social connection. In fact, there are eight primal emotional needs that, if not met, can push a person toward depression or addiction. In contrast, these needs, when met, give us a sense of satisfaction, security and comfort. They also help us sustain a healthy desire for pursuing long term goals in our lives.
This explains the wisdom of removing narcissistic people or bullies from our lives. Bullying and harassing always interfere with one or more of these needs.
What are the eight primal emotional needs?
We have a need to give and receive attention.
We have a need for mind / body connection.
We have a need for purpose, goals and meaning in our lives.
We have a need for community and making a contribution.
We have a need for challenge and creativity.
We have a need for intimacy.
We have a need for a sense of control and status.
We have a need for safety and security in life.
So, how can you use this knowledge to open to intimacy while thriving even when you are alone without a partner?
Let me ask you ten questions:
1. If you have a partner, can you two really talk together?
(That is, are you meeting your need for attention and intimacy?)
2. Who are you close to who really cares about and understands you?
(Need for intimacy.)
3. How often do you meet up with friends?
(Need for attention and community.)
4. How is the quality of your sleep at night?
5. Are you happy with your diet?
6. How much exercise do you get?
(These three questions address your need for a healthy mind and body connection.)
7. How much choice do you have about what happens in your life?
(Need for control and security.)
8. Do you have a clear sense of where your life is going?
(Need for meaning and purpose.)
9. Are you excited by what is happening in your life? Looking forward to the future?
(Need for purpose and meaning.)
10. How involved are you with those around you?
(Need for a sense of community and status.)
Now what?
Have you taken an honest inventory? Are you meeting more than half of your primal needs?
Personally, when I looked at my own life – living alone in a rural area, with no close friends (except for a few online and couple of local acquaintances), and no girlfriend or companion – I was rather stunned to realize the root of the problem before me. Only three of my basic primal needs were met!
Many of us are clueless about why we feel sad or depressed. We might even believe we have serious emotional wounding or trauma-induced mental issues, when in fact our primal emotional needs remain unmet.
Once I spotted the true problem, I knew I needed to figure out how to address this lack in the most effective and healthy way possible. I had already exhausted various dating sites, with several failed relationship attempts and painful breakups under my belt. Obviously, I needed to find another way.
MEDITATE instead of medicate!!!
Grief therapy did not do much for me either. In fact, talking in a group, reliving the horror story of losing my wife and our limited assets, helped at the beginning. In the long run, though, it didn’t bring me a sense of healing or closure.
Instead, I spent the last three years revisiting the past and trying to replace the intimate connection I had with my wife with a new relationship. Truthfully, this was not the right approach. In retrospect, it became a quick fix strategy. I used the search for novelty to relieve the pain.
The real solution was within. I had to stop trying to cultivate situations outside myself. Instead, I turned inward to observe and feel the core problem via emoting.
Meditation and contemplative prayer always challenged me, and they seemed like a last resort. Naturally active, I thrive out of doors. I enjoy adventures, companionship, quality conversation and time with other people. But as you can well imagine, the C-19 scare of the last couple of years squashed a lot of social interactions, making satisfying connections even scarcer.
Asclepius anyone?
With more alone time, I began to reflect on the ancient methods of healing. In effect, I tried what was once known as an Asclepius.
Asclepius is the Greek god of healing. Traditionally, when people grew ill due to impure food, lack of proper nutrition, stressful city life or toxicity, they would often travel to a healing park in the country – called an Asclepius. There, they spent days engaged in the healthy cosmo-therapeutic techniques I mentioned at the beginning of this article (fasting, raw foods, sunbaths, clay poultices, walking in nature, chanting, meditating and so forth.)
Returning to the healing energies and power of nature, a patient often regained a sense of well-being, calmness, and balance. In short, the patient found true healing; not taking a synthetic, toxic pharmaceutical, but instead, absorbing the life-giving energies of the Earthly Mother.
Now, I began to create my own Asclepius at home. I developed a new lifestyle of holistic healing for myself. I simplified my diet, started filling my little cottage with plants, incense and harmonic music. And I also devoted myself to regular simple stretching and meditation.
Meditation’s miracle
Ironically, I discovered something about meditation. It miraculously does a respectable job meeting our primal emotional needs!
Perhaps the ancient mystics and shamans all knew this. Regardless, I now realize that daily meditation (along with simple, holistic lifestyle practices such as yoga, walking, mindfulness in nature and simple diet) supplies the following benefits:
- Meditation meets the need for giving and receiving attention through nurturing and self-observation.
- Meditation provides a mind-body connection, such as heart and brain coherence.
- Meditation offers spiritual purpose and gives my life meaning – the goal being calmness and mental clarity.
- Meditation may not furnish a sense of community – unless you have others to sit with – but it does “make a contribution” to the collective consciousness of the planet. For example, studies with TM practitioners have shown that group meditations were associated with a 70% local crime reduction.
- Meditation offers a sense of challenge and creative thought.
- Meditation may not provide or deliver intimacy with another person, but it does provide intimacy and knowledge of oneself.
- Meditation offers a sense of self-control, which is highly beneficial and empowering.
- Meditation fosters a sense of security and safety. It gives one a feeling of accomplishment and self-sufficiency.
All in all, I believe meditation can solve the misery from loneliness. And even if some of us never find a suitable companion, I believe meditation can heal our emotional insecurity. It can help us become more magnetic, giving us a “super power” to attract the right people into our lives.
Instead of existing in a needy or impulsive state of quiet desperation, we can instead emanate a powerful presence and wholesome attraction. Finding love is easier with this mindset.
