Are you familiar with all those “Why sex is good for you” articles that imply, usually without explicitly saying so, that orgasm is good for you? Well, it turns out that it may be a neuropeptide generated apart from and despite orgasm that actually benefits you and your lover the most.
A 2025 paper entitled “Charting Salivary Oxytocin Across an Episode of Naturally Occurring Partnered Sex” clarifies what SynergyExplorers.org has been suggesting all along: the important benefits of oxytocin, the bonding, anti-anxiety hormone, are not dependent on orgasm. Said the researchers:
[Oxytocin] concentrations pre- and post-sex were not associated with orgasm in ways that prior work would suggest.
Why should lovers care about oxytocin?
Scientists have begun to scratch the surface of why intimate relationships are so beneficial. Above all, they reduce stress. Oxytocin is associated with warm touch and emotional ties. Does it help explain some of the benefits associated with pair bonding?
There is also growing interest in the use of oxytocin as a potential treatment for alcohol and other substance-use disorders. Research has shown that oxytocin in ideal quantities correlates with benefits to one’s health, peace of mind, and ability to bond more deeply. To love, in fact.
As scientist Sue Carter, an expert on oxytocin, wrote in her academic paper entitled “Love as Embodied Medicine,”
[The] physiology that lies behind the healing power of love, reduces inflammation, regulates the autonomic nervous system, the immune system, and even regulates the microbiome.
By investigating our biology,
we are uncovering pathways that allow humans to experience and embody love.
Does oxytocin help explain why sex without orgasm can be so blissful?
Gentle, loving intercourse without the goal of orgasm produces a comforting neuroendocrine “cocktail”. It differs profoundly from the demanding, “insatiable” neurochemicals of passion-driven sexual arousal.
A gentler, heart-centred approach to sex appears to release soothing levels of soothing, bonding oxytocin. (See for example “Influence of a “Warm Touch” Support Enhancement Intervention Among Married Couples on Ambulatory Blood Pressure, Oxytocin, Alpha Amylase, and Cortisol“.) And relatively less of the fiery surges of dopamine, the neurochemical associated with intense arousal. Such contact appears to produce other shifts too, such as those associated with meditative bliss.
Lovers then project these deeply satisfying and mind-expanding feelings of wholeness outward (just as they do the uncomfortable feelings that can arise over the days and weeks after conventional sex). In this way, sex offers lovers an important choice. By mastering Synergy, they can employ their union to shift their perception toward oneness and unity.
Want to know what actual lovers report as they experiment with Synergy? Visit MELTLove.org for dozens of first-hand accounts.
Try it for yourselves
If you would like to move toward the middle path of affectionate, unselfish lovemaking, set aside time to snuggle, kiss, touch, caress – without a goal of intercourse or heated foreplay. Amazingly, this strategy effortlessly reprogrammes your response to sexual intimacy, perhaps by helping you to sustain ideal levels of oxytocin. It calms and energises, reduces cravings, and creates heart-warming, gushy feelings.
Ease into the practice. As explained in this post, passing up orgasm without substituting lots of affectionate nurturing (bonding behaviours) would be like deciding to lose 20 unwanted pounds by ceasing to eat. Just as you need to eat, you need the nourishment of love and affection – especially if you want to change the way you make love.
Visit this page if you need inspiration for how to incorporate bonding behaviours into your lovemaking. You can even download a free list of 31 bonding behaviours to explore.
