Synergy is a practice for couples. Working together actually makes it easier to engage in satisfying sexual activity without climax. Most people find managing sexual energy much more challenging when solo, so we recommend that you connect with a partner before attempting this practice.
That said, if you are single, you can do much to prepare yourself for a future connection. Perhaps spend time journaling about your concerns. Could any unresolved issues get in the way of future intimacy? What do you want to let go of, so you can be open and responsive to a healthy partner?
How do you conceive of “love?” What do you have to offer a partner? Are your expectations realistic? Do you use sex-aids to excess? Can you enjoy life without drugs or online distractions? If not, why not?
Finally, for millennia various traditions have suggested practices for those who found themselves celibate for some period of time. (Self-reports below.) Don’t get too “religious” about these practices. However, experimenting with them can teach you important information about your sexual desire and your options for managing it.
A young man experiments:
I started with the 6th Tibetan Rite. [This exercise should only be performed when you are experiencing excess sexual desire; otherwise it can be draining.] I did this 5 times. I know it says once is usually enough. Well I either am not good enough at it, just need more practice, or my sexual “energy” was way too high. The best I was able to go was a count of 5. I do know that at the end the breath comes back in with much force. The tensing-and-hold the abs in-and the chest up when you do take a breathe, makes the breath come in fast. This relaxed me a bit.
Next, I sat cross-legged on the floor. … holding myself – no other stimulation no moving or anything. I had my eyes closed, which makes it easier to visualize. I did my interpretation of breathing in, through the nose. …
I breathed in deeply all the way down till I focused on my genitals and held the “breath” there. Then I exhaled through the mouth while visualizing the “breath” going up my spine to my head then out.
I did this circle breathing while holding myself for a good amount of time. I am not sure how long. I lost track of time, but it could have been over 10 minutes.
Part of the way through this breathing started to “feel” very good.
The pleasure built, and I kept breathing. Interesting thing is that I started to get soft during this. I had started out fully erect and needing to release. … The need and desire to masturbate just kind of went away.
My body did seemed charged. I was full of – I guess the only way to say it is – energy. I was not in need of masturbating. I then went to the next step. … While still sitting cross-legged on the floor, I just let my body relax. I dropped my chin to my chest and closed my eyes. I let every muscle I could just relax. I let my mind relax. I again lost track of time. I assume I was like this for at least 5 minutes. It felt blissful. … The sexual tension was gone, and I felt good.
I will say that not all the sexual “energy” is gone. It feels more like it is “controlled.” I do not have that pounding desire to masturbate right now.
A young woman’s experiment:
When sexually frustrated, I practice relaxing my vagina muscles and breathing as smoothly as possible. I place my hand over my vagina and gently caress. It really calms me a lot. I place the other hand right under my left breast (to reach my heart)…and keep it there. That helps as well.
I go right to sleep as the tension in my vagina sllloooowwwwwlllllyyy subsides along with the urgency of the sexual impulse. I am very happy when I wake up in the morning.
I think this method shows the importance of not ignoring the sexual appetite. We need to address it directly from time to time.
An early doctor’s suggestion:
“Letting go” meditation[To release excess sexual energy…], sit for 15-20 minutes in a straight-backed chair.
Drop the hands and arms to the side; rest the feet squarely on the floor; drop the chin forward on the breast, and give up all control of the body. Let go; knees, feet, toes, arms, hands and finger-tips must become relaxed; eyelids, mouth, indeed every part of the body must let go; throat jaws and stomach may be last to yield, but repeat to yourself “I give up. I give up.” Breathe quietly and slowly. Remain in this state of repose 15-20 minutes.
When a perfect state of relaxation is secured, you quietly will the inner consciousness to use your sexual energy for renewal. You will arise, buoyant, vigorous and rejuvenated. … All local excitation and demand vanish.[From The Lover’s World by A.B. Stockham MD, pp. 105-106]