Synergy Explorers visitors may enjoy learning more about a courageous study by Canadian sexologists called, “The components of optimal sexuality: A portrait of “great sex”. It was published in 2009 by P.J. Kleinplatz, A.D. Ménard, M-P Paquet, N. Paradis, M. Campbell, D. Zuccarino and L. Mehak.
The authors had grown discouraged by their profession’s myopic focus on mechanistic “fixes” for low sexual desire. These include interventions such as sexual enhancement drugs, sex toys, novelty, learning how to make explicit requests, and eliminating desire deficits with solo sex.
They pointed out that quite often there’s no diagnosable pathology in either partner or in the couple. Instead, these therapists sensed that couples sometimes seemed reluctant to, “settle for the existing, lacklustre sexual relationships between them, sensing the potential for deeper intimacy.” Of course lovers also longed for the heat of the honeymoon phase, which they were unlikely to recapture as a matter of neurobiology.
Unexpected insight
Long before publishing the study, lead author Kleinplatz had begun to ask clients to recount the greatest sexual experiences of their lives. To her surprise, their recollections often turned to adolescent fumbling prior to beginning genital contact. That suggested that both great sex and sex itself might correctly be defined more broadly than mere sexual performance during intercourse.
She observed that researchers in her field wore blinders, in part because the questionnaires they designed to measure sexual satisfaction were rather narrowly focused on ruling out problems with sexual performance, sensuality and non-communication. This spectrum excluded the investigation of what elements make for optimal sexuality.
The authors used a discovery-driven approach (as opposed to a hypothesis-driven approach) to try to learn more about optimal sexuality. They conducted lengthy interviews with 44 lovers and 20 sex therapists, ranging in age from 23 to 82. Participants also included sexual minorities.
After an extensive sifting process, which included blind-coding by various experts who had not conducted the interviews, the researchers arrived at eight components of great sex. This post will focus on some of the commentary, which reveals more than the abstract list of elements. But first, here is the list of components from the study’s abstract: being present, connection, deep sexual and erotic intimacy, extraordinary communication, interpersonal risk-taking and exploration, authenticity, vulnerability and transcendence.
Lovers who explore Synergy lovemaking tend to cite these, and similar components, as benefits of the practice. Is it possible that practice of Synergy is itself a shortcut to experiencing more great sex?
Let’s begin by examining some of the more intriguing commentary and participant input appearing in this rare academic-sexology jewel.
Being present
Being fully and completely present during sexual experiences was the component of great sex articulated first, foremost and most frequently.
The researchers remarked that the descriptions were reminiscent of the state of flow.
Connection
One man described the sensation as:
Loss of personal boundaries, distinct loss of,..self-awareness in the sense of separateness from the other.
One woman added that:
One can have great sex with, for example, very little penetration or very little physical contact…with an intense amount of energy.
Deep sexual and erotic intimacy
There has to be trust in the sexual relationship that this partner, whom you trust will take care of you just as you are taking care of him.
Extraordinary communication
The researchers remarked that participants emphasized complete and total sharing of themselves, both verbally and non-verbally before, during and after sexual encounters. Also, the ability to communicate non-verbally was seen as critical.
The focus was on living in a shared, common experience, enhanced by moment-by-moment awareness of how the partner is responding.
Interpersonal risk-taking
Participants saw great sex as an adventure. They also remarked on its childlike playfulness. Many insisted that a sense of humour and laughter were vital.
If you’re not having fun, it’s not great.
Authenticity
Participants treasured the freedom and liberation to be completely emotionally naked with another person. As well as feeling completely uninhibited and unselfconscious. Interestingly,
several participants mentioned spontaneously that in order to become authentic and genuine, they first had to acknowledge the inadequacy of existing sexual scripts and rules.
Vulnerability
Participants believed that “giving oneself,” letting oneself be vulnerable and surrendering to a partner were exquisite aspects of great sex.
Said one participant:
It’s sex where you can say anything and be anything and discover anything and feel loved and wanted, accepted and cherished.
Transcendence
The authors write:
Participants described moments of bliss, peace, awe, ecstasy and soulfulness. Some believed that during great sex, it was possible to experience a “high” akin to that achieved during meditation. One man defined great sex as, “an experience of floating in the universe of light and stars and music and sublime peace”.
Participants often reported a sense of timelessness, infinity and expansiveness. As the researchers noted:
Many participants used religious language to describe their greatest sexual experiences. One participant stated, “At this moment, we were in the presence of God” and described a feeling of being “enveloped in this beautiful white light.” Another remarked, “It was revelatory – an epiphany.”
Another participant suggested that great sex,
Can change you, can make you more than you are.
In this regard, readers may want to investigate a new websitel called Mutual Ecstatic Loving Transcendence, featuring short videos of the accounts of actual lovers experimenting with non-orgasmic sex.
The researchers also noted that intense physical sensation and orgasm as well as lust, desire, chemistry and attraction were not emphasised to the same degree as the major components above. Though lovers commonly experienced climax,
the majority (both male and female) believed that orgasm was neither necessary nor sufficient for great sex.
Universal yet radical
Curiously, participants described the major components of optimal sexuality similarly. Descriptions were almost universal despite enormous differences between participants in terms of sexual orientation, age, relationship status, level of physical ability and sexual functioning.
The authors pointed out that their findings painted a radically different picture of optimal sexuality than the mechanistic portrayal in the mass media. According to another study by members of the same team, the mass media emphasises techniques, novelty and variety.
In contrast, in this optimal-sex study, participants found
techniques and sex “acts” mostly irrelevant. “Great sex” had very little to do with proper physiological functioning (e.g., hard erections, vaginal lubrication, intercourse, orgasm). The actual sexual behaviours and acts performed are far less important than the mind set and intent of the person or couple engaged in these acts.
The authors warned that it is time for sex therapists,
to revise these depictions of “great sex” and shift from a primarily behavioural understanding of optimal—and other—sexuality to highlight the intrapsychic and interpersonal elements more strongly.
Not performance-oriented
The research team pointed out that,
The good news is that “normal” sexual functioning is not necessary to experience optimal sexuality.
Their participants,
often experienced optimal sexuality despite their own or their partners’ diminishing genital responsiveness and overall physical ability) with age, illness and disability. Not only had these changes not decreased sexual fulfilment, they had made the distinctive characteristics of great sex more salient.
The conclusions of this research no doubt sound very familiar to Synergy-style lovers.
Finally, it is difficult not to concur with these comments of the authors:
Perhaps much of what is currently diagnosed as sexual desire disorders can be best understood as a healthy response to dismal and disappointing sex.
And clinicians
have much to learn about promoting optimal sexuality.
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