According to Slate France, “More and more people refer to their astrological sign to evaluate compatibility with a partner, interpret behaviour or guide their relationship decisions, sometimes without even realising it.”
If you’ve been in the mating game for long on this planet you’ve probably suffered some painful bruises. It’s not irrational to think, “There must be a better way!” But where to turn?
Consulting astrologers for mate selection is a significant and enduring aspect of traditional Chinese culture, with echoes still evident in certain families and social circles today. The matching of a couple’s “Bazi” (Four Pillars of Destiny), using their birth date and time, is a classic example. Astrologers analyse these to determine compatibility and predict the couple’s likely marital fortunes.
Obviously such a practise is a lot more intricate than reading weekly horoscopes from your favourite news source. But what draws would-be Western lovers to horoscopes in the first place?
For some it may be the longing for a reason to hope that someone, of some astrological sign, might offer sustainable compatibility, enriching both lovers’ lives. Others, having suffered their own reverses, or having grown up with divorced or disharmonious parents, may be motivated by the very human longing to avoid poor choices in the future…somehow.
Such motivations have wise roots, regardless of the (in)efficacy of casual Western astrology.
Biological tyranny
Here’s why. More genetic diversity in our offspring promotes our genetic success, and we’ve evolved accordingly. How ever heart-rending it may be for us, growing tired of one mate and moving on to a new one improves our genes’ odds of crawling into the future. Multiple partners increase the chances of varied offspring with different levels of fitness for a range of hazards.
Consequently, as the fire in a relationship fades, novel mates may seem extremely compelling. It can feel like a matter of “life and death” to flee those genetically induced soul-deadening, gut-level feelings of stagnation. Understandably we sometimes seek to rekindle those courtship flames at any cost.
Curiously, this sorry reality is closely tied to orgasmic sex. Sexual satiety (that “I’m done” feeling after too much stimulation) is not a friend to lovers. It can trigger this troublesome genetic-restlessness program. This is why lust cannot reliably indicate long-term compatibility.
Many people understand that the fire of new romance fades. Logically, such lovers often conclude that it is sound strategy to seek maximum fireworks at the outset.
Alas, our genetic programming does not respect that logic. Nor yet does it guarantee that lovers who start out with less fire will necessarily sustain mutual attraction over the long haul. Its goal, again, is genetic success (which is served by variety even when it wrecks our unions).
In short, potent biological programming arrays itself against lovers. And one’s stars have little to do with it.
What’s needed is a path to contentment that that can outsmart biology. One that doesn’t depend upon (unsustainable) heat. Those who wish to stay in love would be wise to explore Synergy lovemaking. A continuing appetite for intimacy is a potent love charm. And it’s our choice whether to manage our sexual behaviour to protect our mutual magnetism…or extinguish it with too much heat followed by those “I’m stagnating and it feels all wrong” feelings.
Mating choices and karma
Leaving aside this biological curse for the present, is it possible that those initial, fiery impulses to rip off our clothing and “have at it” also mask a karmic element? Are they perhaps the way that we collide with people who inadvertently offer “lessons” arising from our own past errors and misdeeds in other phases of our earthly adventure?
If you notice a certain excruciating sameness in your relationship “lessons”, consider turning your mating choices over to your higher self. Quite possibly this is what astrology fans may be endeavouring to do, consciously or unconsciously.
Higher guidance won’t stop you from learning what you need to learn, but when you make your decisions without self-serving motives it can help you stop making the same mistakes over and over. Try setting aside the impulses coming from your genetically programmed mating neurochemistry when deciding whether to allow a new potential partner into your life. This is challenging, and you’re unlikely to yield to inner guidance until you’ve amassed sufficient bruises to be desperate.
Astrology can help you become more tolerant of others and more aware of their/your strengths and foibles. But if you want to learn what you need to learn at each point, with the person best suited for your soul’s evolution, you may need to set aside your biologically driven desires entirely.
“Looking for a mate?” (blog post) highlights the power of synchronicity for those seeking higher guidance with respect to mate choice. If you haven’t read it, you may find it worth your time.
Simply reading horoscopes and fantasising about your ideal partner won’t do it. For better results, listen up(ward).
