This is a short talk delivered by a friend of the SynergyExplorers.org website.
Let’s begin with a simple observation: Men and women perceive the world differently. Of course we both see our computer screens and hear the same words. But the differences in perception can be startling.
I learned this when I collaborated on a book with a man who teaches science. The book began with several chapters recounting my personal quest to understand why intimate relationships seemed so fragile…and how I stumbled upon a key insight shared by various traditions.
The next chapters shared material supplied by my male colleague. They explained aspects of humanity’s genetic programming, which indirectly supported the wisdom of the insight I’d been exploring. Specifically, they summarised the science of human mating and bonding and its significance.
So, why is this relevant? Because when women read the book, their feedback is much the same, “I got it after 3 chapters. You really didn’t need all that science.” And when men read the book, their feedback is also typically similar: “The science on mating and bonding was really interesting, but you could have omitted the first 3 chapters.” This happened repeatedly.
Becoming more yin
Now, let me move to another piece of the mosaic that inspired this talk. Years ago, my company transferred me abroad. At the time, I was a single corporate attorney, who had worked for a decade in business settings. I was, or thought I was, pretty self-sufficient, assertive and courageous. I was definitely female, but perhaps not overly feminine.
Just a year or two before my move I had haltingly transitioned from a stubborn atheist to a tentative spiritual explorer. That entailed learning to set my ego aside (at least a little bit) and listen.
By the time I transferred abroad I was curious what might happen if I allowed my inner guidance to run my life. This was a kind of scientific experiment. After all, how would I know if my “higher self” was a beneficent force if I didn’t let it drive for an extended period?
So, I allowed the I Ching to guide my actions. This has made my life a big adventure. But many of the shifts were subtle. For example, without my conscious awareness, I was gently moved into a more feminine, dependent role, which was slightly foreign to me. I was guided to rent quarters in an ancient building on an estate out in the countryside, where I was dependent on my next-door landlord every time the heat stopped working or the plumbing did something bizarre.
In this way, I discovered that I could ask for male assistance and receive it. And that both giver and receiver often enjoyed the necessary exchanges. True, my married landlord did intimate that he would welcome me as…more than a tenant. (I later learned that he already had a mistress, in addition to a wife.) But he did so in a gentlemanly fashion, and a polite “no” sufficed.
I, meanwhile, was learning something profound from very simple experiences. For example, men holding doors for women presented a prime opportunity for both to exchange a smile of acknowledgement, brightening the day of both. I began to sense that my “goddess energy” (when smiling and acknowledging kindness) was nourishing to men. It cheered them up. By the same token, male attentiveness however slight, was like sunshine in my life.
I made it a point to apply my discovery with the many kind men who entered my orbit. I didn’t discriminate among
- younger helpers in my favourite hardware store,
- seniors waiting in line at the airport,
- gay waiters in restaurants,
- gardeners who barely spoke a common language, etc.
All were splendidly male, and our friendly exchange was satisfyingly synergistic for us both. It dawned on me that on this planet men and women each have more than 3 billion opportunities to brighten each others’ days almost effortlessly. And we often overlook these prime opportunities for greater happiness.
There’s an important caveat: Such “brightening” must not be motivated by selfishness. It should be freely given as a gift: a sprinkling of “happy” dust.
In this way my adventure gradually invited me to slide toward a yin role. And actually, it was a relief to step out of the lobster shell I had put on in order to function in a more masculine role. I realised that role had suppressed some of my most important gifts for brightening my existence and the existence of others.
Complements, not opposites
I began to appreciate things about men that had formerly made me…impatient. Yes, men were more systems-oriented than I, but I now saw that this quality enhanced many endeavours. At the same time, I recognised that some men appreciated my flashes of intuition about ways to overcome obstacles.
Sure, we saw the world differently, but we were complements, and not in opposition. I noticed that often the ideal outcome was a joint product weaving together both approaches.
I began to see my yin role as supplying inspiration, nurturing and appreciation. And to value more than ever the yang qualities of far-sighted logic, know-how and quiet protection.
As a male friend once observed, women have to be willing to allow a man to help before he can offer his gifts. And men, of course, have to be willing to accept insights from women before women can offer their gifts.
Defining yin
Next let me say a few things about “Yin-ness”. You are probably familiar with the Taoist yin/yang symbol. It’s a 2-dimensional representation of the dynamic, pulsing, polarised flow underlying creation. This is the current that gives rise to all of the limitless forms of creativity on an infinite number of planes. When we block it, things…stagnate.
In creation, the two poles of this Living Current are inseparable. But here in matter we “clever” co-creators decided to play around with splitting these two poles into sexes.
So, what exactly is “yin”? Yin is typically described using terms like “passive”, “dark” and “inert”. This is woefully misleading! Yin is a living current. Or rather it is one half of a current that ideally flows between two poles. The power and synergy of the full current when it flows is the Universal Life Force that animates all of creation.
Yang is the “push” and yin is the “pull…or magnetic part” of the current. To label a magnetic force as “inert” dims our understanding. Consider this: the electricity we use to power our homes only flows when both poles are engaged. It’s another manifestation of the Universal Life Force.
I also think of yin as a receptive, fertile energy field. Whatever yang energy “sows” tends to bear fruit. This suggests that yang readers should endeavour to plant their loftiest aspirations. And yin readers should do their best to nurture any high-minded aspirations that enter their fields. If, instead, they’re facing being used for superficial, physical ends it may be better to seek balance via less direct forms of yang energy nourishment. These include the sun, mountains, and socialising with male friends and relatives, while they wait for a partner with loftier goals.
And yang readers: Think big when it comes to your unions! What do you most want to cultivate for the good of all? Recognise that the exchange of loving energy with a partner can help manifest those visions.
Where to begin?
Meanwhile, it can’t do us any harm to experiment with consciously brightening each other’s days. It costs nothing. It doesn’t yield bad karma when done selflessly. And it’s surprising enjoyable.
We can begin simply, with an exchange of eye contact, and smiles. These simple gestures are among the behaviours that researchers call “attachment cues”. At a subconscious level, they tend to counter the widespread misery of separation. These potent bonding behaviours act like rose-tinted spectacles that allow us to see each other more lovingly, as collective brothers and sisters, rather than as annoying fellow travellers or impediments to our happiness.
How can you increase the flow of universal current in your life? Maybe by asking yourself a few questions:
- Has Spirit been urging me to move away from the goal of individual ‘androgynous’ self-sufficiency so popular today?
- How open am I to accepting the energetic gifts and perspectives of the opposite sex?
- What gifts do I notice in the differences between yin and yang?
Thank you for your attention.
