When Lovemaking Opens the Veil
Synergy Explorers may enjoy reading Transcendent Sex: When Lovemaking Opens the Veil by Jenny Wade PhD, published in 2004. It includes first-hand self-reports of people who have had powerful, ineffable experiences during sex. It also traces spiritual traditions such as tantra, which taught about such experiences.
A substantial excerpt from Chapter 1 appears on the Amazon sales page. Read it when you have time to savour its contents. Some of the accounts encompassed in it may bring tears to your eyes.
Alas, the recounted experiences are typically spontaneous, solo experiences rather than shared experiences. So, they are not actually “Synergy” experiences.
And, although Wade mentions that sexual self-control was de rigueur for yogis, the people whose experiences she reports were generally unaware of such advice. This may explain why their “transcendence” tended not to be a shared or repeatable experience.
Perhaps the partner who experienced the encounter as transcendent had been conserving his/her sexual energy before the encounter, while the other partner had recently/frequently orgasmed. Might this explain why one partner experienced extraordinary phenomena, while the other felt and saw nothing remarkable? “Can’t sustain a fire without fuel.”
Risk of instability
Wade points out that transcendent sexual experiences, however inspiring, can produce loneliness because they are not shared. She also notes that they may cause distress because of unpredictable, disconcerting side effects, such as uncomfortable kundalini surges.
Sages long cautioned disciples not to pursue heightened sexuality experiences without extensive training due to the possibility of disturbing side effects. Yet, as Wade points out, transcendent experiences can happen spontaneously to lovers without any training whatsoever.
So, how does Synergy sex differ from such experiences? Synergy is a shared, non-goal oriented practice that calls for consistency. An exchange of relaxed, loving energy without the drive to climax seems to protect against extreme side effects. Partners can still have extraordinary experiences, but at a pace that doesn’t put them at risk, or set off uncomfortable kundalini discharges. In short, it’s a practice with built-in “guardrails” thanks to the balance lovers create between themselves.
A clear pattern
Before closing, here is a summary of common aspects in the self-reports that Wade collected for Transcendent Sex. She writes, “The experiences follow a clear pattern:
- Individuals are surprised and dazzled by bedroom events that reveal a reality entirely foreign to their usual way of thinking. The events confound a religious person’s beliefs or the disbelief of agnostics and atheists.
- The experience can occur regardless of how much “in love” or sexually skillful a person is.
- Most often, but not always, the experience involves only one member of the couple. The other party is frequently unaware that something earth-shattering is happening to the lover. Sadly, most people are reluctant to share these sacred, unsettling moments with partners because they fear a response that will be skeptical, mocking, or belittling. Over 80 percent of the people I talked to had never told another person what had happened to them.
- Depending on the nature of the episode…the person may feel euphoric, omniscient, dazed, disturbed, or frightened. Their foundations are shaken in ways that may seem life-affirming or threatening.
- The events may be hidden, but they are never forgotten. Like the near-death experiences that people kept secret before they became an acceptable part of public discourse, transcendent sexual episodes were recalled with extraordinarily vivid detail, even if they occurred long ago. Participants were relieved to be able to tell someone who was appreciative and nonjudgmental about some of the most significant things that had ever happened to them.
- Like more recognized spiritual openings, these experiences were life-changing events. The most skeptical agnostics and atheists were reluctant to ascribe a spiritual meaning to what had happened, but even they admitted that their understanding of the world had been radically altered and that they could not explain what had happened to them (the sample includes physicists, physicians, and other “hard” scientists). However the vast majority, regardless of their former religious beliefs or disbelief, eventually went on to take up some form of spiritual quest in an attempt to understand what had transpired. Of those, many began an active spiritual practice or vocation, attributing their interest to the “awakening” they had had during sex.”
Wade adds:
Transcendent episodes during sex, however bizarre, resemble those recognized in the world’s major spiritual traditions. In fact, except for the context (making love as opposed to meditating, praying, ingesting sacred medicine, or participating in ritual ceremonies), transcendent sexual experiences have exact counterparts in the shamanism of indigenous religions as well as in the mysticism of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, and Taoism. The chapters in this section cross many different spiritual traditions, but they all include recognized altered states in which people access greater dimensions of the natural world than are part of “normal, walking-around reality.”
Transcendent Sex reminds us of the powerful, generally unexplored, potential in sexuality. Together, lovers can learn to tap it safely, allowing it to open their minds, deepen their love for each other, and expand their spiritual awareness.
