Sex may be one of the most potent behavioural reinforcements. In fact, in light of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s influential “Flow” theory it’s likely that sex can be a ladder to positive or negative inner changes. This suggests that intense sexual states have the potential to be either unusually beneficial or deleterious.
Key insight: what a human being is/lives/thinks/feels during any sexual activity tends to become more prominent in their life.
The following essay demonstrates that sex can serve as a tool for positive inner change, or negative inner change (especially if lovers don’t know what they’re doing). This is precisely what the Tantras (ancient tantric texts) have been saying for a long time.
What is “Flow” according to Csikszentmihalyi?
Flow is a state of complete immersion in an activity, in which one is fully focused and engaged. In this state, time seems to pass quickly. Csikszentmihalyi suggested that beneficial flow is an optimal state for human performance and well-being. When a person is in a state of flow, they experience a sense of control, concentration, and enjoyment. Such potent feelings can more powerfully rewire the brain.
A flow state easily facilitates new neural connections, that is, increases brain plasticity. “Nerve cells that fire together wire together,” reinforcing the feelings experienced during the flow state. Ideally, these effects lead to improved cognitive function, better mental health, and a greater sense of well-being.
Can sexual arousal be considered a type of flow?
Yes. Here are quotes that indicate that Csikszentmihalyi recognized that that the heightened states sometimes experienced during sexual activity can mirror, or even lead to, flow.
- “Sexual activity in particular can generate intense experiences that come close to the characteristics of flow” (Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, ISBN 978-0061339202, p. 119).
- “Sex is one of the activities that can lead to flow, and for obvious reasons. It is an activity in which attention is completely absorbed in the present moment, time is distorted, the senses are heightened, and the self disappears” (Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life, ISBN 978-0465024117, p. 117).
- “Sexual experiences can be especially intense because they involve many sensory and emotional factors that produce a sense of total involvement and deep enjoyment” (Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention, ISBN 978-0060928209, p. 124).
These quotations suggest that Csikszentmihalyi recognized the potential for sexual activity to lead to flow, due to the intense and absorbing nature of the experience.
During sex, people often report complete immersion and focus. Some lose track of time. This can be accompanied by a sense of control, concentration, and enjoyment, which are characteristics of flow.
Sex and the brain
Furthermore, research confirms that sexual activity potentially has a range of positive effects on the brain. Neurochemicals such as dopamine and oxytocin are released. In ideal balance, these neuroendocrine events create positive feelings. For better or worse, they also reinforce the experience promoting the creation of new neural connections. Under favourable circumstances, such changes improve cognitive function, deep emotional bonding and overall brain health.
Yet sometimes undesirable emotions such as shame, guilt, aggression, violence, performance anxiety, objectification of a partner, desire for selfish gratification, or fear arise during sexual activity. Such emotions may then also be more deeply wired in the brain, and reinforced more powerfully with each unsettling sexual encounter.
As Csikszentmihalyi notes, “The metaphor of the mind as a plastic substance, shaped by experience, has replaced the old notion of a fixed, immutable entity that determines who we are” (Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, p.5). This means that the brain rewires itself based on the experiences that we have.
It is therefore wise to cultivate positive emotions such as love, joy, listening, generosity, connection with the other, playfulness, gratitude, and appreciation of the experience without concern for performance during sexual activity. That way, to the extent that we enter into a flow state, we promote positive brain changes. These in turn will have repercussions throughout our entire lives. We will tend to express these positive emotions more and more.
Are there ties between this concept and ancient Tantric practices?
Ancient practices such as tantric yoga also emphasized the importance of using sexual energy positively and constructively. These practices focus on cultivating a state of flow during sex that promotes spiritual growth and personal transformation. While the specifics of these practices vary, the underlying insight is that practitioners can harness sexual energy to promote inner growth and transformation.
Therefore, it may be important to approach sex with a positive and constructive attitude. In this way, we promote beneficial repercussions in our lives and avoid reinforcing negative experiences. As Csikszentmihalyi writes in Flow, “the quality of our lives depends on the quality of our experiences” (p. 3). Flow during sexual intercourse can be a powerful tool to shape our lives in constructive ways.
Here are some quotations from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s work that support the idea that the brain can potentially rewire itself during a state of flow (and arguably during sex):
- “The brain is constantly changing and growing, and the experience of flow can promote neuroplasticity and the creation of new neural connections” (Flow, ISBN 978-0061339202, p. 186).
- “Flow experiences are characterized by a sense of effortlessness and spontaneity. ” (Flow, ISBN 978-0061339202, p. 207).
- “Flow leads to the creation of new patterns and forms, making us more creative and innovative” (Flow, ISBN 978-0061339202, p. 91).
- “Flow experiences have the potential to transform the self, making a person more complex, differentiated, and integrated” (Flow and the Foundations of Positive Psychology, ISBN 978-9400714797, p. 137).
- “Flow experiences can change a person’s worldview by altering their perceptions and attitudes toward the world around them” (Flow and the Foundations of Positive Psychology, ISBN 978-9400714797, p. 151).
Undesirable brain rewiring
Csikszentmihalyi mentions the possibility of negative outcomes from flow experiences, particularly when the activity that induces the flow state is harmful or addictive.
For example, he warns in Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (ISBN 978-0061339202) that “it is possible to have flow experiences in activities that are either pointless or harmful” (p. 163).
In the same book he writes: “If a drug addict finds the most enjoyment in taking drugs, or if a criminal enjoys burglarizing homes, then flow theory predicts that he will not only do these things more often but will also become more addicted to them over time” (p. 113).
Porn addiction (compulsive sexual behaviour) would be an example of destructive flow. Csikszentmihalyi describes flow as an experience that arises when one is engaged in an activity that is both challenging and rewarding, and that requires a high degree of focus and concentration. In the case of porn addiction, the individual may focus intently on the search for images or videos and, early in the addiction process, will experience a degree of reward in the process.
Of course, this experience can become damaging depending on the emotions and states maintained during these experiences. Less desirable consequences, such as hypofrontality (loss of willpower) and even decreased sexual responsiveness, sometimes follow. In short, addiction also rewires the brain, negatively impacting the individual’s well-being, romantic relationships, health, happiness, view of human beings (as objects), and beliefs about life. It can reduce the sexual experience to a mechanical release. Aggressive or degrading thoughts/behavior during the act will be reinforced by any repeated experiences during sex, especially if they arise during the state of flow.
The power of sex
In conclusion, sex is much more powerful than we imagine. It is a forge in which the human mind is melted and reshaped according to the inner state experienced during lovemaking.
Unfortunately, this is not taught by parents or schools. Many remain unaware of these ideas even though they have been present on earth for a long time, codified in various ancient Tantras.
Let us approach sexuality with consciousness and love to promote the flourishing of humanity’s most beautiful qualities.
