Have you ever tried to explain Synergy lovemaking to someone who has never experimented with it? Perhaps you begin by stating that it’s a very different approach to sex because orgasm is not the goal.

For purposes of this post, let’s say your starting point has not caused your curious friend to run a mile. Taking a deep breath, he politely inquires, “But what do we do?”

The most productive, if mind-boggling, answer is, “The less you do the better.”

Many bus stops

Think of Synergy lovemaking as a bus route that goes to more than one destination. For instance, it can help sustain the harmony in your relationship. Perhaps it inspires you to greater productivity and creativity. It can gently dissolve any defences you’ve developed that tend to separate you from others. It can help you both figure out your life purpose(s). It tends to increase willingness to help others (good karmic insurance). By easing underlying feelings of scarcity and dissatisfaction, it can attract greater abundance into your lives.

If you stay on the bus, that is stay with the practice, it can heighten spiritual reception too. You may hear your inner guidance more clearly. Lovers also describe tranquil experiences of merging, in which all separation between them melts away.

Ultimately Synergy lovemaking can furnish a deep knowing (gnosis) of your oneness with Creation and all of its multi-dimensional wonders. For most of us, this constitutes a major course correction.

Like a near-death experience, but without the bother of temporarily dying, you and your lover can step outside of the space-time bubble and begin to understand yourselves and the collective Reality from a much larger perspective. With enough experience of this expanded perception, spiritual concepts are no longer mere “stories”.

How far do you want to go?

What you do during your lovemaking has a bearing on how far you go on the Synergy bus line during any given phase. The most profound, perception-shifting gifts of Synergy occur when you are not consciously doing anything with your body.

Try concentrating all your thoughts and feelings, all your awareness, on those parts of your body which touch your lover’s body in stillness.

Let go of all physical goals, not just the goal of physical gratification. Ideally, you fall into a sort of sexual meditation together. No tensed muscles. Not worrying about performance or erections. Not trying to get anywhere. Not wondering if you’re doing Synergy correctly. Just doing nothing…with open hearts. Allowing your minds to grow still.


If stilling your mind is challenging for you, imagine two gears in your head. The first is spinning furiously (your monkey mind). The other gear naturally remains still – or it would if the monkey-mind gear would stop engaging with it. This second gear represents the centre of your eternal Awareness.

Monkey-mind disruptions can pull you away from your centre, and prevent you from relaxing into feelings of blissful wholeness with your partner. So, visualise disengaging the two gears. Let the monkey-mind gear spin away, beyond your consciousness.

The gear representing your Awareness is now perfectly still, which feels wonderful. Feelings of joy can arise and merge with those of your lover. Nothing is missing. You need do nothing. Your lover is right there with you. Nothing is lacking. You can relax.

As the energy exchange continues (automatically, without your forcing it), it soothes any frustration and anxiety. If the monkey-mind gear spins back into consciousness, send it skittering away. Re-focus on the fountain of joyful stillness in your core and the delicious absence of tension.

Initially you may feel little in the way of bliss. Or you may simply fall asleep. That’s fine. The exchange of energy between you is still at work.

Stay with the practice. Don’t judge it until you have been engaging in this practice consistently and frequently for at least a month.

What about movement during sex?

Do you feel you must move during sex? Are you determined to “ride the tiger” – that is, pump up your sexual arousal while striving to restrain orgasm? What then?

You may nonetheless experience benefits from Synergy lovemaking. Just know that movement keeps your focus on your body and your sexual performance, and thus on your separate ego. It can also cause restlessness and desire for increasing stimulation. Ultimately this risks pushing you over the edge of orgasm, which often leads to emotional distance and/or restlessness during the following days.

Focusing on restraining your arousal can make it difficult to fall into the relaxed awareness in which your ego no longer blocks your experience of your true limitlessness and interconnectedness with each other and Creation as a whole. That said, any stop on the sex-without-climax Synergy bus line benefits you!

But how do we stay connected without sexual performance?

You may find that some of these positions work well for this type of relaxed union. If you want to “plug in”, experiment with soft-entry, and perhaps a personal lubricant. Erections are not necessary.

In fact, intercourse itself is optional for the desired experience. Consider this couple’s account. It’s your mutual desire for loving union without pursuit of physical gratification that propels you and your lover along the Synergy bus line.

Enjoy your travels!