Sometimes I like to think of Synergy/karezza sex as a form of “making out”, a playful, enlivening and innocent way to bond.

I remember back in high school. I liked dating girls, but what I was really hoping for was a chance to “make out”. Since I didn’t want to use condoms and didn’t want to get her pregnant, we’d kiss and snuggle and fondle and roll around…everything we could, except penetration.

There was one girl, though, who really wanted to get turned on by having me stimulate her clitoris with my penis. We’d lie on our sides, face to face, and then she’d wrap her leg over mine. While we tenderly kissed, I would slowly and gently glide my penis all around her vulva and clitoris, without penetration. She’d get so turned on and wet, it was amazing.

I thought this way of making love was sooo cool. Problem was, I couldn’t last long enough. Then …. you know … finished … over … good night, Dear.

Mature partners

Now, decades later, I’ve rediscovered this awesome approach to lovemaking. For women who don’t feel much enjoyment during intercourse, it’s a way to give them a little help without forcing them to climax.

The man has to be okay with not having intercourse if she doesn’t want to or it hurts. By using his “wand” as an energy-sending instrument, he can be there and allow her the freedom and opportunity to experience pleasure in a deep and satisfying way with no performance demands. This simple approach is often a revolutionary experience for any woman who has felt pushed to “give in” to conventional mating sex just to please her partner.

I would like to make it clear that I am not advocating for men to bring a woman to orgasm with this approach. My point here is to offer a suggestion for how to provide some intimate nurturing to a woman, especially if she suffers from some sexual lockdown, perhaps from past aggressive sex, or simply from vaginal pain during penetration.


This was the case for my late wife years ago, when we first began karezza. Once we stopped doing “hot sex”, she had difficulty achieving arousal. So, the POC (penis on clitoris) technique offered her a sense of joyful delight.

It allows a woman to turn on in a very natural, feminine way. A vibrant penis and its silky head can actually be more electrifying and sensual than fingers, tongue or sex toys.

A female can initiate this too, of course:

My partner asked me what he could do to give me pleasure. I decided to try the “wand” method. I took his penis and used it to gently stimulate myself, with a bit of shallow entry. The movements weren’t fast or hot, but rather gentle and loving, and extremely pleasurable for me. To my surprise, he responded immediately. “Oh…I like this new direction!” I continued, and he said, “I feel so nourished by this. I’ve been so hungry for this…for you sharing your pleasure with me. I’m just realizing how much we’ve both been programmed against…this!” We started laughing and laughing, and by the time we stopped, we both just kind of felt complete. Maybe the laughter was our release.


As a man, I can tell you, it’s much more exciting to be involved with a woman who is turned on to sex. Not the hot kind that’s depicted in movies, but the kind that means she’s fully alive. She wants to make love. She wants to be close to you and have fun.

Not experiencing genuine pleasure brings on a deep hunger in us. It leaves us empty, dead, bored, unfulfilled. Yet, paradoxically, single-minded pursuit of pleasure for its own sake can push us toward another kind of dead end. Surprisingly quickly it can become predictable and unsatisfying. It can also leave one or both partners with a sense of entitlement that extinguishes spontaneous pleasure and swiftly feels burdensome. Even boring.

Sensation and arousal are essential elements in Synergy/Karezza-style sex. The secret is to find a way to master a level of balance for both partners, so that there can be the right amount of enjoyment during intimate contact. When that happens, intercourse can be a mutually pleasurable and nourishing experience for both…sustainable indefinitely and with deep feelings of fulfilment. Yes, even without orgasm.

Gents, brandish your wands!