Synergy lovemaking is an exercise in letting go of the meddlesome, biologically driven commands of our mammalian mating programme. Instead, lovers use selfless lovemaking to steer for deep feelings of defenceless union. This approach can give rise to greater harmony, increased wellbeing and clarity, enhanced creativity and transcendental feelings.

In women, one of the most obvious, and most common, manifestations of biology’s string-pulling shows up when a woman feels disgruntled if a mate chooses not to ejaculate.  Consider this post excerpt:

Where my partner finds sexual fulfilment and connection by not ejaculating, I find it by orgasm. It would be akin to saying he practices karezza whereas I would be spiritually based in sex magik [pursuit of intense orgasm]. He is the only partner I have ever had that I am capable of having vaginal orgasms with. So, I have become used to enjoying all the other aspects of lovemaking sans the “big finish”.

As a partner to someone who rarely ejaculates, I can tell you that this hits a woman in the ego if they are used to every partner they have had achieving orgasm – and could even decide when their partner orgasmed. While he is not into karezza specifically, he has always held his orgasm to ensure I get as many as I can, and this happened from day 1 without discussion.

At first I took his lack of ejaculation to mean something was deeply flawed with me or my parts, like he just wasn’t able to. And he was just saying he wants to please me because he loves me and doesn’t want to hurt my feelings.

Then I just got used to it and accepted it for the gift that it is.

There are still some days when I feel insecure about him not ejaculating. Usually during the hormone crash that follows ovulation, when most women tend to need more reassurance. Then, if I ask him to, he will.


Her partner is clearly a gem. Perhaps his patience will one day be fully rewarded. For now, however, this woman’s own physical gratification is uppermost in her mind.

His generous lovemaking – with the focus on her pleasure – is not enough. His preference and wellbeing are not priorities. Even though she does not appear to be seeking pregnancy she asks for what biology has programmed her to seek: an opportunity for sperm to meet egg.

Perhaps if she were to step back and reflect on the origins of her demanding urge, she would find it easy to follow his lead consistently. What does his ejaculation actually give her?

  • Balm for her insecure ego
  • Control of his sexual response
  • A puddle in their sheets
  • Increased chance of yeast infection and semen-transmitted diseases
  • Risk of pregnancy
  • An energetically-drained, and perhaps resentful, partner

Are these “gifts” sufficient to justify her demand? Especially when she recognises herself that her recurring desire for his ejaculation arises from her hormonal fluctuations?

Wishful thinking

This woman is more self-observant than most. In other women, the determination to force a partner to ejaculate can arise from a subconscious belief that if she addicts him to orgasms triggered by her he will be less likely to stray.

Perhaps that was once true when partner-less orgasm was less frequent and online porn was not a thing. These days, however, orgasms are so easy to generate that satiety is a very real risk.

Satiety is the feeling that you have had more than enough of something and now crave either novel stimulation or distance. Today’s readily available orgasms likely ensure that orgasms are only glue at most for as long as a couple’s honeymoon neurochemistry is countering feelings of satiety.

Biological trivia

It’s also possible that a woman’s desire to command a man’s ejaculation was once a sexual selection device. Female macaque monkeys, for example, tend to vocalise during sex with partners they seek to collect sperm from.

The other monkey lads can get it on, but rarely ejaculate unless the female lets out her ear-splitting shrieks. In short, female determination to trigger ejaculation may derive from an ancient evolutionary programme.

Choose for yourself

If you are lucky enough to have a partner who willingly channels his life force energy upward, maintain your independence. Don’t unconsciously let a primitive mating programme push you around. Sex matters.

Why not experiment? It may take some getting used to. Here’s one man’s report:

I told my girlfriend I want to try it, and I had my first really good experience with [Synergy] about 2 hours ago. She still can’t seem to grasp the concept, even though I told her that she could go on and orgasm if she wanted. Neither of us orgasmed in the end. She was left feeling a bit odd, but I really loved it. Now, I feel great and at peace with myself. I usually felt empty and tired after normal sex, now I feel energized. For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel that I *need* sex, masturbation and orgasm to feel content and happy. That’s really a relief.

[A few days later] I was in her, while massaging her. After a while we spooned, and she got a chance to feel the peace and bliss that [Synergy] could offer while in the proper state of mind. This was the first really nice experience of mutual [Synergy] since we started to experiment with it.

Here’s another’s:

[Synergy] helps both partners. I know that my wife gets a lot of pleasure out of it, and it bonds us together unlike orgasmic sex. I know this for 100%. I’m glad I found this key to a happy life and an amazing marriage. And the amazing thing is how it keeps getting better. Lately I have been playing with being a bit quieter and less movement and more stillness. It’s also amazing. I can’t describe it but it is really sublime. In her quiet way my wife enjoys the closeness maybe as much or more than I do.