To unite with the immeasurable heart and all-knowing mind of the Mysterious Mother, you must integrate yin and yang within and refine their fire upward. This is what is known as true evolution. ~ Lao Tzu
If you are a yin lover, you form an essential element of the mystery Lao Tzu describes above. You represent the mayim nukvim (“feminine waters”). Kabbalah and Chassidic philosophy use that term to refer to the feminine aspect of the reuniting supernal couple. So, aim high.
Can you delight your mate with your sensuous magnetism without insisting that your yang lover must climax to prove that you are irresistible? This is not a matter of sexual technique; it’s a mind-set.
Can you adopt the outlook of a high priestess rather than a courtesan? Do you firmly place the wellbeing of your partner before the desire for physical gratification? Have you discovered that a nourishing exchange of energy, which leaves you both glowing with wholeness (Synergy), serves you best?
Sexual magnetism need not be manipulative or dishonourable. It is a healing, enlivening quality, which can be used selflessly with integrity. That is easier, of course, when lovers practice Synergy. By willingly sidestepping the aftereffects of orgasm, they have plenty of energy to give each other.
If necessary, you must tame your inner seductress. For as long as the planet has been out of balance, some have used seduction as a way to create a precarious balance of power (or even abuse of power) between lovers. Of course, it backfires as the orgasming partner subconsciously begins to associate the other with a sense of depletion – and growing subconscious uneasiness. Willingly experiment with the alternative of sex based on mutual giving rather than mutual pursuit of physical gratification. See what you notice.
In practical terms, what’s different?
Consider J. William Lloyd’s description of the difference between two models of sexuality for yin lovers:
There is a passion which grips and dominates its subject, greedy, jerky, avid and, as it were, hysterical – like the food-appetite which bolts its meal…. But there is another passion just as strong, or stronger, more consciously delightful, in which the emotion is luxurious, voluptuous, aesthetic, epicurean, which lingers, dallies, prolongs and appreciates, which is neither hurried nor excited, and which invites all the joys and virtues to the feast. This is the passion of true Karezza [lovemaking without orgasm], especially of the woman who is perfect in the art. She is then to her lover like music, like a poem, not like a bacchante or a neurotic.
He adds helpfully:
The woman, at first, should be in a state of complete muscular relaxation. Strong passion in her feeling is…excellent, if it is under complete control, if the muscles are not tensed by it, and if it is wisely and helpfully wielded.
Orgasm and its effects
After reviewing the arguments in orgasm’s favour, the one that Lloyd finds most convincing is, “to give her pleasure”. However, having known women who gave up “perfect orgasm” completely in favour of Karezza [Synergy] because orgasm was less satisfying, and having known women who had never had orgasm to be beautifully satisfied and blissfully happy as well as healthy employing [Synergy], he concludes that orgasm is entirely unnecessary.
He notes that:
after her orgasm the woman is less magnetic, enthused and delightful as a partner, enjoys [Synergy] less, and quite often soon becomes indifferent, depressed or irritable.
Indulgence in the orgasm on either side cultivates the merely sexual at the expense of the affectional, the romantic, the spiritual.
Self-control is more difficult for the man where the woman thus indulges herself.
The real issue, Lloyd concludes, is that the “typical male orgasmal embrace” seldom satisfies the woman. In contrast, sex with orgasm gives her some satisfaction and therefore seems beneficial – and is accordingly endorsed by the medical profession. Yet the same woman could be better satisfied with perfect and prolonged [Synergy], and then orgasm would be needless.
A suggestion
In each request (or urge) for hot sex, hear only the mutual underlying longing for true fulfilment. Yin lovers can meet that call as the Goddess Isis did when she restored her dismembered mate to wholeness and life – namely, by using yin magnetism strictly to heal and balance. It’s possible to achieve a sensual, relaxed equilibrium in place of the familiar fireworks.
Help humanity regain its inner balance. Keep in mind that neither the strategies of splitting everything down the middle nor a mutual focus on more passionate sex have fulfilled their promise.
The influence of yin magnetism, by contrast, keeps lovers attracted, affectionate, and brimming with life. Could this be why the Taoists taught that it was a path to immortality?
